


Through the years

by TheKnittingLady



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 18:19:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 34
Words: 30,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKnittingLady/pseuds/TheKnittingLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if all a certain Doctor needed was a familiar voice and a shared past to keep him strong? But what will happen when that past comes back to haunt him many years later?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
> 
> \- Garrison Keillor

**Chapter 1**

**Spencer Reid's Apartment**  
 **Washington DC**  
 **"Extreme Aggressor"**

"Willow Wood Ranch"

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

A few moments later another voice answered the line, "Hey Roo."

Spencer Reid smiled as the familiar voice wrapped around him like a cozy blanket on a crisp fall night. "Hey Kanga, what are you doing?"

"Having a cup of tea and waiting for the bread to rise. Haven't heard from you in a few days, how have you been?"

"I've been good. I've been really good. I just got back from a case. We saved the girl." Hell, he couldn't help but brag a little.

"Did you now? Well, that's wonderful, I'm proud of you Roo. I thought you were working with Jason still, did they transfer you?'

"No, Gideon went with us. They decided it was time for him to go back in the field."

Really? How's he doing?"

Spencer shrugged even though the woman on the other end of the phone couldn't see. "All right I guess. He's still showing signs of PTSD, but that's understandable."

"Well just remember, it's not your job to look after him, all right? Let adults take care of themselves."

"You know, I am an adult now."

"That's not the point."

"I know."

"All right, you should have a package getting there soon."

Spencer couldn't help but grin. "Going to tell me?'

"Certainly not; it's always better when it's a surprise."

"Ahhh! You're horrible."

"I have my moments." He heard her sigh. "You take care of yourself out there Spencer."

"I will Kate, I promise." Yes, he did miss her sometimes. "Good night Kanga."

"Good night, Roo."

* * *

The next day a package arrived at the BAU; a loaf of apple walnut bread and two mismatched, hand-knit socks.

Spencer smiled the rest of the afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Spencer Reid's Apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Compulsion"**

"Willow Wood Ranch"

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Spencer couldn't help it. He was flat out grinning. It was all he could do to hold still. Come to think of it he wasn't holding still, he was fidgeting around his apartment with the excitement of telling her.

"Hey Roo."

"Hey Kanga, what are you doing?"

"Knitting and listening to you; you sound like you're about to bubble over with something."

"Okay, did you see anything in the news about that string of arsons at Tempe University?'

"Yes, I did. Was that your team?"

"It was. I actually figured out where the problem was in the profile. I cracked this one."

"Well, I'm impressed. What was it?"

"The arsonist wasn't really an arsonist. She was an extreme obsessive-compulsive with a religious mania. Every time she saw a convergence of threes she was compelled to set a fire to test the people involved for God."

"Oh, that poor child, OCD is physiological, not psychological; she's never going to get over that."

"No, but at least now she'll get the help she needs. And three students were saved, she was about to set them on fire in an elevator car."

Kate whistled low. "Well I'm glad you were able to get there on time."

"Yeah, so am I." He paused a long moment. "You know, there was this one point when Hotch asked me to talk to some of the students, he figured it would be easier for me to communicate with them because we were close in age. I flubbed it, completely. I just…I just looked at them and I thought…I have never been this young, this carefree, ever. I just could not relate to them at all. I started spouting…God, I don't even know what I was spouting, just anything because it was in front of Hotch."

There was a quiet pause on the other end of the line. "You know, this is the moment when I either point out that you haven't said anything to Hotch so don't hold it against him, thereby missing the point, or I tell you not to worry, that your peer group will catch up to you eventually, thereby offering an unsatisfying, trite answer. How about if I spare you both of those and just tell you that you will be that young when you choose to be that young."

Spencer took a deep breath, let it all go and then some as his stomach tightened in nerves. "That wouldn't…matter."

"No. That will never "matter", you're right. But it would be the first step to compromise."

"I don't…I don't think I can."

"You will someday." He could almost feel her smile against the phone. "I am very proud of you Roo. You did good work out there."

"Thank you Kanga. Good night." He paused a moment. "I love you."

"I love you too Roo. Good night."

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Spencer Reid's Apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Plain Sight"/"Broken Mirror"**

Spencer Reid looked at the package that leaned against his door and grinned. For his 21st birthday Kate had given him the leather bag he carried every day. If you're going to do it, and I know you will, she had said, you ought to make it look business-like. For his 22nd birthday she had remembered his shock at the cold in DC, and sent him a hat, scarf, mittens and a promise of a dozen socks, which she had kept. For his 23rd birthday she had sent him the quilt that topped his bed, a functional work of art. A proper blanket for his first proper apartment, compared to the miniscule studio he had stayed in before that last step. So now he was curious about what he would find, although whatever it was Jason had done so much better this year.

He pulled the package into the apartment, dropped it on the table, and was dialing even as he was ripping at the paper.

"Willow Wood Ranch"

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

The package contained a tin of brownies and a sweater. It was a cardigan in fine wool, dark grey, with a lighter grey trim and a kind of a textured pattern to it. He just had to smile; she knew how he preferred sweaters to jackets. He was just about to try it on when she picked up the phone on the other end, "Hey Roo, happy birthday."

"Thank you, and thank you for the sweater, it's beautiful." What was amazing was that she had made it for him, that someone had put that much time and love into something just for him.

"Does it fit?"

"I was just about to find out, hold on." He put the phone down and tried it, "Yes, perfectly."

"Well good. I was afraid you had gotten taller on me again."

He chuckled. He didn't have the heart to tell her that the last sweater she made him was an inch too short now, or that he wore it anyway. "No, it's perfect. But, ah, I think Jason beat you this year."

"Oh? Since when does Jason Gideon give birthday gifts? What did he give you?"

Spencer grinned. Those two had been locked in friendly competition over this and that for years now. "Well, we had a party at the office, chocolate cake and balloons and those candles that you can't blow out. They even made me wear a silly hat."

"I want pictures of the silly hat. I mean that now. So what did Jason give you?"

"Tickets to a Redskins game, VIP box."

"And since when do you follow football?"

"I don't, but…" Deep breath, "…there's this woman who works with us, her name's JJ. Oh, she's just amazing, she's smart and funny and pretty and…" Okay, he could admit it here, to her, "…built and just, you know, and anyway she's a huge Redskins fan and…"

By now Kate was laughing gently. "Ohhhh, I see. So is she going with you?"

"Yes! Yes, she said she would go! But, you know, I've never been to a football game before…."

Kate was still chuckling warmly. "Roo, you've never been on a date before. Just tell her you've never been to a game, let her take the lead."

"You think so?"

"Sure. Everyone likes to share about the things they love, and she probably doesn't get much of a chance when it comes to football. Most men probably use that to prove their dominance or something like. But it takes a lot more strength to admit that you don't know."

"You've said that before."

"Well that's because it's true."

"All right," Spencer gave in to her advice; he would give it a try. "You know she's the only person who's ever called me Spence."

Kate chuckled again. "Have fun Roo, and tell me how it goes."

"I will. Good night Kanga."

"Good night."

* * *

He called her again after the next case, right after he climbed onto his bed and curled up with the quilt she had made for him.

"Willow Wood Ranch"

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

A moment later he felt his spirit settle at the familiar voice. "Hey Roo, so, how was it?"

"Amazing, she's completely…wonderful. We went out to dinner after, just this diner, but we talked for hours. It was just….wow, you know."

"Uh huh, you don't sound so wow. What's going on Roo?"

Only Kanga could pick that up, and over the phone no less. "Is it…is it painfully obvious that I'm Autistic?"

"No, not really, maybe if someone knew what they were looking at; most folks would just think you were...overly educated."

"You mean a geek."

"I prefer the term 'Professor', but if you insist. Where is this coming from?'

"We were on a case; the Unsub profiled all of us. He could tell."

"Well, he knew what he was looking at. You know perfectly well you are not that high on the spectrum and no one cares a fig."

Spencer sighed, deeply. "Yes, but if someone can pick up on that from my behavior what else can they pick up?"

There was quiet on the other end of the line. Spencer could hear her chair squeaking under her. "Ah, that's what this is about. Nothing, you know that. And if she had you would have known."

"Yeah, but what's to stop her? She's a trained observer."

"And you were taught by a better one. Besides, you would have to tell her someday. But if she truly cares about you that won't matter either."

"And if it didn't work then I'd still have to work with her every day." Spencer sagged. It wasn't going to work with JJ for just that reason. He never should have allowed himself to think that they could ever be more than friends. "Besides, she deserves someone better."

"She deserves someone kind and gentle and loyal and able to love and you are all of those things Spencer."

"And more baggage than a freight train."

"And if she truly cares about you then that won't matter." She insisted gently.

Spencer smiled. How many times had Kanga said that? "I'm just not comfortable risking that at work. This job is too important to me."

"Ah, well that's different then. But now you've been on a date, you know you can."

Well, there was that. Spencer settled back against the pillows on his bed and smiled again. "This is true."

"You'll find the right girl someday."

"I hope so."

"I know so." He could almost fee l her smile. "I love you Roo. Good night."

"I love you too Kanga. Good night."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Travelodge**   
**Des Planes, IL**   
**"L.D.S.K"**

It took a long time for him to make this call; a long time to try to organize his thoughts, his emotions. But in the end the moment he dialed it was all useless.

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

A moment later, "Hey, Roo."

"Hey Kanga, what are you doing?"

"Making chocolate susans using up some of the Halloween candy." There was a pause, during which he heard what he recognized as the patio door click. "You sound a little off there hun."

"I am off. I had to shoot someone today."

"Oh Roo."

"No, it's all right. He was holding people hostage in this emergency room and SWAT was going to come in and it was going to be a bloodbath. I...I told you how I didn't pass my firearms qualification and so I wasn't armed and Hotch was there and he was trying to get into the Unsub's head. And, you know, to do that he had to say all of these things that…I mean he sounded just like Stas and…and…"

"Spencer." Her voice was calming, grounding. "Breathe. Just breathe."

In and out. In and out. "He didn't say anything really horrible, and I knew what he was trying to do, but for a moment it felt…it felt… it felt real and I kept expecting him to call me…"

"Spencer." This time it was a warning.

He nodded even though she couldn't see. You don't call yourself those names, not ever. "I know. And he didn't, but it felt real for a moment. Then he got the Unsub to let him kick me around."

"Spencer!"

"No, no, I'm fine. He didn't even leave real marks, you know. But I was able to get his gun and I kept thinking I can't do this, I can't do this. Don't they know that I can't do this, I can't protect myself, I just can't. And then Dowd saw that Hotch's ankle holster was empty and he lifted his gun and I didn't think I just turned and fired and…and I caught him right between the eyes."

"Oh my lord." she sounded like she had just gone through it with him.

"No, no, it's all right. I didn't think I could. I thought I was helpless. But I did it. I did."

"I always knew you could, Roo, but of all the ways to find out."

"I know. I know." It was a horrible thing, to be so proud of yourself when someone had lost their life to get you there. But there it was. At least someone understood. "I feel like, shocked and proud and disgusted and horrified all at the same time. I don't know what I feel." He looked at Hotch's .38 where it rested on the nightstand and gently traced the lethal lines. "It's just that, for the first time, I really feel like if Stas showed up tonight I might have a chance."

"Stas isn't showing up. He's in Ely and he's not coming out anytime soon."

"When is his next parole hearing?"

"Two weeks ago."

"What?" Spencer sat up a little. "I told you I wanted to go this time!"

"And I told you, Spencer, you're not going anywhere near that man again. You leave him up to the grown-ups."

"Was Gideon there?"

"Yes, he was."

Spencer sighed noisily and flopped back on the bed. "You know, I'm not a kid anymore."

"You so sure about that Dr. Reid?"

He sighed again. Yes, between the Autism and the trauma his psychological age might be closer to seventeen or eighteen than twenty-four; he was still an adult and could handle this sort of thing. But…. But… Sigh. "Thank you."

"You're welcome Roo. Now as soon as they let you I want you to try to re-qualify."

"I don't have to. Hotch said I passed."

"Try anyway. Now that you know you can."

* * *

From that point on Spencer slept with Hotch's .38 under his pillow. It didn't help the nightmares, but it did help him get back to sleep after.

Three days later Spencer went to the range with Morgan and scored a near-perfect score on his qualification.

When he got back to his desk he found a tin of chocolate susans waiting with a note written on paper decorated with Kanga and Roo.

_I am very proud of you._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Baymont Inn and Suites**   
**Dallas, TX**   
**"Derailed"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Spencer sat on the side of the bed; trash can handy, because his stomach was twisting. After a moment, that familiar voice picked up the phone, "Hey, Roo."

"Hey Kanga." Just hearing her made the tight pains behind his eyes and in his stomach unfurl. "We got another one."

"The one on the train? It was all over the news."

"Was it?"

"You mess with transportation these days and everyone thinks terrorist."

"Not this time. No, just your average brilliant scientist turned paranoid, delusional schizophrenic."

"Oh, Roo."

"He swore he had a chip in his arm, an implant. You know how it used to drive you crazy when I would practice slight-of-hand over and over?"

"It only drove me crazy when you did it at mealtimes."

Spencer managed a smile. "Well it came in handy today. I saved every hostage, including a woman from my team."

"Well, of all the things."

"Yeah, I know. But, um, that's not really true." Spencer wanted to believe it was all about the sleight-of-hand. That was a cool thing, a nifty thing to know. But that wasn't what stopped the Unsub. "I stopped him because I know how to talk down a paranoid schizophrenic. I stopped him because he was acting like Mom."

"Roo…"

"And what's worse?" His cheeks were getting wet. Why were his cheeks wet? "The entire time I was talking to him I was thinking what would I be seeing if I finally had an episode? He was a physicist and I knew his work and I just kept thinking what if it was me, what would I see? What insight would my condition give me in my field and it was there, just right there, this bright, shining line between his work and his condition, he saw all the strings and they made sense to him and I saw it because if I look hard enough I can see them too!"

"Spencer," her voice was commanding, insistent, even as it was still kind. "Breathe Spencer. Just breathe."

In. Out. In. Out. "I'm scared Kanga." He admitted, finally. "I'm so scared. What if it starts happening to me?"

"It's not happening to you Spencer. You just said so yourself."

"I… I…"

"You said you had to look hard to see the world as he sees it. But he doesn't have to look hard; to him it's always like that. That's the difference between madness and genius."

"But what if…"

"Now you know the chances of turning out like your Mother."

Spencer nodded. "Six percent double that of the background population."

"Which is still very small."

"Yes, but…"

"And the chances of it being full blown are even lower than that. You could have one attack and be done with it, or you could easily control it with medication. You know this."

"Yes, but…"

"So while I can't promise you that it will never happen, it's highly unlikely and you know it."

Spencer sighed, logic. She always used his own weapon against him. "I know."

"Now there is one thing I do know."

"What's that?"

"That even if it does happen I'll still be here for you."

For a moment, just a moment, he was thirteen years old again, "Promise?"

"I did on the day I met you, Spencer Reid. I haven't stopped yet."

The truth of that finally anchored him back to the present. "Thank you Kanga."

"You're welcome, Roo."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Somebody's Watching"**

As soon as Spencer got in the door his phone rang. He looked down at the caller ID and just chuckled and shook his head. He should have known, "Hey Kanga."

"Hey Roo," the familiar voice was full of laughter tonight. "I had the strangest thing happen to me today."

He kicked off his shoes and landed on his couch, folding his legs under him. "Do tell."

"Well Cici and I went to the grocery store to stock up for the week and when we were checking out she said that looks like the boy in the picture on your desk. And I looked up and I said where, figuring you made some article about the FBI, and she said there and pointed to this gossip rag and sure enough there you were, standing there with this little actress." He could hear the repressed laughter in her voice. "Now normally I would wait for you to tell me, you being too old for me to go butting in to your private life and all. But if you're going to invite the press along I think I must consider that an invitation."

Spencer wanted to die. He wanted his couch to turn into a black hole and suck him down into utter nothingness. No, not even that would be good enough, time slows down at the edge of a black hole, and this moment would just go on forever. Oh, there was no way out of this. He might as well just confront it head on. "Okay, I met this girl on a case. Her name is Lila Archer. She's sweet and smart and funny and hot and she was really, really interested, all right?"

He heard the sound of rustling newsprint. "You two look very friendly. Why so sad though?"

"What, you bought a copy?"

"Of course, I'm going to put it away with your scrapbook; something to shock your grandchildren. So what happened?"

"Not that." He sighed. "She kissed me. Like, all over, a lot." He remembered for a moment, how it felt with her so close and so wanting and…. "She wanted to, very much so."

"And?"

"And then I pushed her away." He sighed. "I really like her, you know, I do. But I pushed her away."

"Why?"

"Because she's a victim, and that would be unethical. And because she was just transferring her emotions on to me because she saw me as her hero."

"Spencer…."

He sighed. She wasn't going to let him get away with that, not his Kanga. Morgan did, but then Morgan didn't know him that well, not at all. "It was...it was too overwhelming. I just…it was too much too fast and I just…I just couldn't process it. I had to tell her to stop and then…I told her about her friend dying just to get her to move away." He made a sound that was almost laughter, except it wasn't funny at all. "Eleven years and I'm still not ready."

"Oh Roo, I'm sorry. You know it takes as much time as it takes."

"I know." But it was still hard, still so impossibly hard. "You know, there was this one moment when she was there and she was just waiting and so inviting and some part of me realized that this could really happen, you know, and it could be really…really good. I mean it was only a moment, but…"

He heard her smile on the other end. "Well there's a beginning for you."

"Yeah and a moment later I panicked."

"That's all right, it just takes time. There's nothing wrong with being a late-bloomer. And least now you know you can. You always said you were broken."

"Maybe I'm not as broken as I thought."

"Exactly, so, are you going to see her again?"

"I can't. She is a victim and it would be unethical. And even if it wasn't it's an ongoing case and the Defense Attorney would have a field day with it."

"Yeah, well, victims aren't victims forever you know, and cases do end."

"What are you saying?"

"Keep in touch with her. You never know what the future will bring."

"You think?"

"Absolutely, Roo. She might end up being the right girl for you, when the time is right."

He hadn't thought of that. Maybe, at some point…. "You're right."

"I always am, Roo. I always am."

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**The Signature**   
**Las Vegas, NV**   
**"The Fisher King 1 & 2"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Spencer stood at the window and looked out over the lights of the city and the desert beyond. It was never dark in Vegas. So many memories out there, it was almost overwhelming. At least this place, out of every possible place in Vegas, didn't hold a single memory, not one. It was the only non-smoking hotel in all of Vegas. That's why he decided to stay here.

She picked up the line, "Hey Roo."

"Hey Kanga, guess where I am."

"Oh, you know I hate guessing games."

He grinned into the phone. "I'm in Vegas."

"You're what?"

"I'm in Vegas. We all took a long week-end; I decided to come back and visit you and, you know, try to visit Mom."

"Oh Roo, that's wonderful! I haven't seen you in years now."

"I am going to buy you dinner in your favorite place, no matter where it is. Or…or someplace you always wanted to try, we'll go together."

She was quiet a moment. "Are you sure you want to do that Roo?"

He sighed as his bubble deflated around him. "Yeah," he answered quietly. "I know. But I tried to see Mom today and I just… I couldn't face her, you know. I guess…I just wanted someone to be happy to see me."

"Oh honey, you don't have to buy me a big, fancy dinner just to get me happy to see you. All you have to do is walk in that door. It's kinda late tonight, I've already put the house to bed, but come by tomorrow night, let me cook for you."

His heart melted at the thought of being back in Kanga's kitchen, with her and whoever her helper was now bustling around, all that warmth and the savory scents and then that big, oval table where he could be right at home. "Hmmm, I don't know." He teased gently. "What are you cooking?"

"Whatever you like, silly boy."

He chuckled. "Right, what's on the menu?"

"Oh, let me look… Shepherd's Pie and green beans. And I'll make one of those jell-o cakes you like so much."

Now he was not only melting, he was salivating. "Is dinner still at six?"

"Every night."

"I will so be there."

She laughed. "And I am so looking forward to it. Now you are going to try to see your Mom again tomorrow, right?"

He sighed. "I'm just…I remember how upset she was when they picked her up and I just…Dr. Norman said she was proud of me, that she told everyone about my adventures but I can't…I can't imagine that she doesn't hate me for putting her there."

"Oh Roo. You have given more to a mother than any child ever has. You did the right thing for her."

"I know. Do you…have you talked to her at all?"

"No, I haven't. I've kept in touch with Dr. Norman just like I said I would but you know how your mother gets when she sees me."

That was true. The last time Kate even tried to talk to Diana Reid his mother had exploded into a frenzy that took five orderlies and a double dose of Thorazine to control. I'm just…I'm scared."

"She's your mother, Spencer. She loves you more than life, and always will. Now you go see her tomorrow. And then you come let me feed you."

"Yes, Ma'am," he teased.

"Oh, stop that. I'll see you tomorrow, Roo. I love you."

"I love you too Kanga. Bye."

* * *

**BAU Headquarters  
Quantico, VA**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Spencer paced around the conference room. By all rights if he was bringing his Mom in for her safety he ought to bring Kate in as well. But if Kate knew there was a threat she would never leave the ranch, and she and his Mom couldn't be in the same building, not if he wanted to keep Mom calm.

"Hey Roo. You never showed up to dinner."

"I know. I'm sorry. There's been another case. This Unsub, he's targeting us. He left a message at Bennington for me and…I'm having them fly Mom out here, I think she's involved."

Instantly she was on alert. "Do you think this has anything to do with the Ranch?"

"No, I don't…I don't think so, but until we know more…Look, I'm going to call Jim and tell him, all right, just to be on the safe side."

"All right, I'll watch for him. You be careful Spencer."

"I will. Love you Kanga."

"Love you too, Roo."

Spencer hung up and dialed another familiar number.

"Las Vegas Police"

"May I speak to Captain Brass, please? This is Dr. Spencer Reid calling from the FBI."

"One moment."

A moment later a strong, solid voice answered. "Spencer Reid, I thought you grew out of this town. How are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm good. Listen, we have a situation." He quickly outlined the Fisher King case for his old friend.

Jim immediately realized the situation. "Do you think this guy will target the Ranch?"

"Unlikely, but I can't be certain. Given that he hacked our technical analyst's computer I'm not certain how much of my background he knows."

"Okay, I'll head out there and post a unit there until this is resolved. Keep me in the loop."

"Yes, Sir."

* * *

**McCarran International Airport  
Las Vegas, NV**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Spencer paced around the hangar until that familiar voice answered. "Hey Roo. Jim told me you got the guy."

"Yeah, we did. Turns out he knew about me from Mom. He never knew about you at all." He chuckled. "Now I'm sorry for stirring up such a mess."

"Oh, now don't be. Better safe than sorry all things considered, and I know Jim feels the same way."

"Yeah, that's true."

"Did your Mom make it home all right?"

"Yeah, she did. I just dropped her off."

"You're in Vegas again?"

"Yes, but Hotch let me use the team plane. We have to head right back."

"Aww. Well that's all right Roo. You'll be back to visit again."

"Yeah, I will. And soon, I promise." For just a moment he ached with missing her. "I love you Kanga."

"I love you too Roo. I'll see you soon."

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Aftermath"/"The Boogeyman"**

"So do you think he was right?" It had been an unsettling case all around, compounded by what was going on with Elle. He was just so dammed confused by people sometimes. So once home he warmed up a TV dinner, put some  _Star Trek_  in his DVD player ready to go, crawled into bed with his work and called the one person he knew he could be confused around and he knew would help him sort it all.

"Yes I do." Kate replied. "Spencer, you have a caretaking streak in you a mile wide, it's one of the very special things about you. But we have talked about the difference between caring about and caring for before."

He sighed. "You care about the people who matter, but you only care for the ones who can't care for themselves. And Elle is a grown woman, capable of handling her own affairs; she doesn't need to be cared for. That's not my responsibility." He recited back in the slightly wooden tone of someone who has heard it about a million times before.

"Exactly, I know you care about her, but she has to make her own decisions and take responsibility for her own actions."

"I just think I should have said something to someone."

"I know Roo, but Hotch and Gideon are team leaders, right? It's their responsibility to keep an eye on everyone, not yours. It sounds to me like she hadn't popped her cork yet."

"Popped her cork?" He thought he remembered her talking about that, but wasn't quite sure. And he wanted to hear it again anyway.

"Mmm-hmmm; people do that after something awful happens. They want to get back to normal, or get to some idealized normal as quick as they can. So they ram down all those ugly emotions they couldn't feel while it was happening because their bodies were too busy in fight or flight mode, they bottle it all up, cork it off and carry on like nothing happened. But then sooner or later something reminds them of what happened, of how it felt, just like it was going to happen again and pow, off goes that cork and out it all comes all over everyone. Gideon and Hotch should have seen that she hadn't blown her cork yet and not let her back to work until she did, or at least not put her in a position so close to what happened. But that's on them, not on you."

Kate did have a way of putting things. "Not everyone does that." He pointed out to her.

"Oh?"

"I never popped my cork."

She laughed at that, "Says the one who got hungry while I was at the store and ended up doing five thousand dollars worth of damage to my kitchen."

"Well, there was that." He didn't have clear memories of that afternoon. "I'm still surprised that you weren't mad at me for that."

"Oh Roo, it wasn't your fault. You just needed to let it out. And cabinetry can be replaced."

"Yeah." Better than people, he thought. "I still don't understand why she was still so upset though. I mean, it was over. She won. Garner is dead. It's not like he could come back like…" No, he couldn't say that right now.

"It wasn't over yet for her. It was still too raw and new. People heal at their own rates, you know that. And besides, you're no one to talk. Turn out that bag of yours, let me guess, two Snickers bars, three Payday bars, three bags of gummi worms, and six peppermint patties."

Spencer felt his ears burning. "Actually it's only four peppermint patties. And also a pack of Ho-hos, but I was going to have those while watching  _Star Trek_  tonight."

She laughed again, but it was gentle. "I teach you to budget, to shop, to cook and to stock a healthy pantry, and I have no doubt that you have and you still hoard candy. Want to talk about healing again?'

Yeah, okay, Kanga knew him too well. "No. So I shouldn't have said that to her?"

"You could have put it in context."

Spencer was quiet a moment. "I'm not ready for that yet."

He heard her sigh. "All right, but when you are you might think about starting with that Morgan fellow. He sounds like he has quite a good head on his shoulders. Someone raised him right."

"His Mom did, his Dad died when he was young. You know someday I'm going to tell him you said that."

"Go ahead. I so rarely get to compliment mothers it would be a pleasure to do so openly." He laughed with her for a moment, and then there was a moment when everything was quiet. "Is all that really what's bothering you Roo?"

She knew him far too well. "She left." He admitted at last, hearing his own voice from a distance and hearing it far too young. "She didn't even say good-bye."

"Oh Roo, I'm sorry. It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. And there was nothing you could do; it wasn't your job to make it work."

"I just wish…" He could make it so people wouldn't leave.

"I know. I wish I could too." She was a mind reader sometimes, he swore. "But I can't. All I can do is promise that I will always be here."

And that was something he had learned to rely on. "Thank you, Kanga. For everything."

"Oh, you're welcome sweetheart. Feeling better?"

"Yes."

"Good. In that case I need to go put the house to bed. I love you Roo."

"I love you too Kanga. Good night."

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**  
Washington DC  
"Sex, Birth, Death"

Spencer just made it in the door when his phone rang. Oh God, now what? "Hello?"

"Jason called." Kate said. "He told me everything. You saved that kid's life, Roo."

"Yeah, I did." His head ached, and there was this buzzing. He locked his door and knew he was safe and… "I just…"

"You okay, Spencer?"

"Oh God," it all came out then. All the emotions of the past day, all the fear that he let Nathan go and the worry and the empathy and the case and all that pent up terror when he had to hold those wounds closed and Nathan was dying, was literally dying under his hands. It all came out in great, shaking hysterical sobs. Not really crying, more like gasps of pure emotion. Years ago she had taught him not to fight it when that happened, something he always forgot until he needed it. Instead he relaxed into it, let it all come, and when it was over found himself sitting beside his own front door, his back against the wall, shaking. He scrubbed at his eyes and found his still open phone. "S…sorry, I'm sorry."

"No, Roo, that's all right; better out than in. You okay?"

The shaking was settling, leaving a peaceful sort of hollowness in its wake. And in that, he could think clearly again. "Yeah, I am. Just needed to pop my cork a little I guess. Ohhh." All right, he was all right. He could use his contacts out, and a comforting movie and a good night's sleep but he would be all right. "I did save him. But what if he ends up killing people?"

"Then you stop him. But you don't know that he will now, he's still very young and you got him the help he needs. Anything could happen in the future."

"Yes, but he was going to the hospital. He came to me looking for help and he was getting help. I don't understand why he went for a prostitute or why he decided to suicide. I mean, he had options."

"But he couldn't see it, or at least not that way. So he made a mistake; a really bad mistake." He could hear her smile. "Sound familiar?"

Oh did it ever. "You think he can come back from this?"

"You came back."

Well, there was that. "I didn't do too much, did I?"

"For a child? No such thing."

"I mean, I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind, your own…desires. I mean…I still…think about it sometimes." Those were the nights that haunted him still.

"That happens, Roo. It's unfortunate, but it's part of it all. It's not inherent, you know."

"Are you sure?"

"Lila."

"Oh." Well, there was that. "I kept in touch with her. We've been writing; that way if the Defense Attorney finds out, we can show that we never talked about the case. She sent me a postcard from Switzerland last week."

"Oh good, that's a good way to get to know a girl. You know, if it starts bothering you again you might think about a therapist there in DC. The Bureau doesn't have to know."

"Hmm, I'll think about it. So what do I do now? About Nathan?"

"Keep an eye on him, like Jim did with you. And take care of yourself. Go get yourself a good dinner and relax."

"Yes, Ma'am." It was automatic and a little tease.

"Hmm." Yeah, she didn't buy it. "You did good today Roo, I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you, Kanga. I love you too."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Grady Memorial Hospital**  
Atlanta, GA  
"Revelations"

He told the team he needed a minute; just a little time to be quiet and process, just a little time. Now he was outside in the parking lot, watching the sun rise.

He had a call he needed to make.

She was going to be angry, he knew that. She was going to be so deeply, deeply angry with him for allowing it to happen again. He knew the statistics on re-victimization, he knew what could happen. He hadn't intended for it to happen, but he had missed something and now here they were; because he had failed Reid, like he'd failed Elle, like he'd nearly failed JJ and Morgan and like he'd failed the men in Boston.

He punched in the number. Yes, it was early in Nevada, but there would be someone at the desk, there always was. At least he could tell her that Reid was being treated, the drugs were being cleared from his system, and his heart was being checked. Jesus, Reid had died, literally _died_  because of his failure. After all the work she had done, and now this, because of him.

"Willow Wood Ranch."

No.

He couldn't…he just couldn't…

"I'm sorry." Jason Gideon said into the phone, "Wrong number."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Randall's Bar**   
**New Orleans, LA**   
**"Jones"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"May I ask whose calling?"

"Ethan Cutter."

"Hold on a moment."

A moment later Ethan heard the warm, familiar voice on the phone. "Ethan! Well, well, the Prodigal son finally remembers how to dial a phone. What brought this on?"

"Hey Kate. I wish I could say it was something good. You talk to Spencer lately?"

"No, come to think of it. Why?"

"I think he finally started using." Ethan sighed at Kate's sound of distress. "I'm not sure what or why but he was down here on a case and he looked me up. He looks like hell."

"Well thank you for letting me know, Ethan. That was a good thing to do."

"You gonna help him?"

"Of course."

"Well good. 'Cause that old man was giving him a talking to earlier in my set, but it didn't look like he was doing him any good."

Kate sighed. "Thank you Ethan, I'll take it from here."

* * *

Jason Gideon and Spencer Reid were sitting companionably. A little while ago Spencer had told him he would never miss the plane again. As far as Jason was concerned that was the end of it, the kid just needed a bit of a talking to to get his head on straight. But then his phone rang. "Spencer." He said, looking at his phone. "Where did you meet your friend again?"

"Kate's place. Why?"

"Because she's calling me." He answered it, finally. "Gideon."

"Would you please care to tell me what the hell is going on!"

"Hang on." He covered the mic and looked over at Spencer. "How bad is it when she starts cursing?"

"I don't know, she never cursed at the kids. She never even raised her voice."

"Right." He turned back to the phone. "Um, I don't know what Ethan told you…"

"He told me he thought Spencer's been using drugs. And given how many times Ethan's been around that particular block I tend to trust his professional judgment."

Jason froze. That was not something he had considered. At all. Surely Spencer was too intelligent for that. Wasn't he? What had Hotch said, something about taking advantage of his brain but not teaching him how to handle emotions? "I don't know." He admitted finally. "But if that's the case then I can't know about it." He looked over and found Spencer white as a sheet and looking daggers at his friend. "Hold on." He passed the phone over.

Spencer took the phone and moved away. "Hey Kanga."

To him her voice was full of nothing but love and compassion. "Hey Roo."

The first step is admitting there's a problem, right? "I….I guess I made another mistake." He told her after a long moment. "But it's all right, I…I can fix this." The moment he came out of his mouth he knew that wasn't true.

"I'm sure you can, Roo. I always said there was nothing you couldn't do if you wanted. But you don't have to deal with this alone, you never do. Let me help you."

He sighed, leaned against something cool and metal. He was already starting to feel sick with need again. He couldn't even go back to the hotel and sleep it off, he would just dream of Charles and Raphael and his parents and Stas. Why did he look up Ethan anyway, hadn't part of him hoped his friend would go to Kate, because he was just too ashamed to go himself? "All right." He really didn't want to do this alone. He didn't want to fight it any more. He scrubbed at his eyes, they ached in a way that had nothing to do with the drugs. "What do I do?"

"Go tell Jason you need a week off. Call it a family emergency if you have to. Then get on the next flight direct and come here. If you need help Ethan will, you know that."

"All right. I just….I screwed up real bad this time." He missed the plane and who knew what else and he just did it…

"Remember the first rule around here Roo?"

God, how could he ever forget. "Everything can be fixed if you're alive to fix it."

"Exactly. Come home and we'll find a way. Now give Jason back his phone."

"Thank you Kanga. I'll see you soon." Spencer headed back over to where Gideon was waiting. "I, um, need some time, get my head back together. Think Hotch would mind if I disappeared for a week?"

Jason Gideon had been sitting there, wondering how he could have nearly made such a mistake. Dear god, what was he doing in this job anyway. If he kept this up more people would die. "No, I'll clear it with him. If you're going to be gone past a week from Monday call. I assume you're heading out to Vegas?"

"Yeah."

"Keep in touch. Take care."

"I will." He headed over to where Ethan was pointedly not paying attention. "I can't believe you called her."

"Why else would you come look me up? You're not the only one who can read people you know. You want a ride to the airport?"

"Please. And any advice on how to get through the flight."

"You got it. Come on."

* * *

In the meantime Gideon had picked up his phone again. "Well?"

"Is that an official question?" Kate asked in reply.

"This line's not recorded. I'm…I'm sorry. We got him medical treatment, I thought job stress…I just…I failed so many people this year and I…."

"Oh can it Jason." Kate snapped back. "I don't care what you've been through this year, or any other year. You know how I feel about grown-ups whining to me about how hard their life is when children are taking the fall out. Go cry to your shrink or your priest, not to me."

"You know technically Spencer is an adult."

"And technically between the autism and the trauma he's age regressed a minimum of five years which makes him barely twenty, if that, independent of his physical age or intellectual ability. You knew that going in. You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started grooming that boy for the BAU. I told you flat out what to watch for and you blew it off. This is not your area of expertise but you just have to be the one who knows everything. Well your hubris very nearly cost that boy his life."

Gideon sighed. She was right, of course. Spencer might be twenty-five by the calendar and have the mind of a fifty year old college professor but when it came to emotions and maturity he was twenty at best. A teen-ager doing a man's job and now that it had all happened again... "I screwed up. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. Now start talking. I need to know everything that's happened so I know what I have to deal with."

**Las Vegas Rapid Detox  
Las Vegas NV**

Once the nurse had the IV in place, everything settled, she stepped out of the room, leaving him with the vast pile of paperwork it was going to take to get in and through this. Spencer had just started in when there was a knock on the door. "Yes."

She was older than he remembered. Stouter. More silver than copper in her hair and she leaned on her cane more than he liked to see. But as she limped into the room her face crinkled with the same welcoming smile, and her blue eyes were still merry and strong, and when she was in the room you still knew that you were safe and everything was all right. "Hello Roo."

"Kanga." If he had been wearing pants he would have leapt out of the bed and pulled her into his arms. But it was no matter; she came right over and almost pulled him off the bed into her hug. He should have come back right after what happened. He should have come back years ago. But now he was finally back at last. "I got your note." He said when she finally let up. "You weren't at the airport." He smiled a little. "No uniform?"

"I had to get someone to cover for me out at the Ranch for the next few days. I couldn't leave until they got there. My goodness you have gotten tall." She settled heavily on the side of the bed, facing him, close enough for a great deal of comfort. "Oh please, can you imagine what the other patients would think if I wore my uniform? You're under a different name already; I don't see why we can't both be under cover."

"You don't need to stay with me."

"Yes, I do."

"From the description of the treatment I'm going to be unconscious for most of it."

"And do you really want to be out cold for hours with no one looking out for you? In Vegas?" He took a deep breath; the fear must have at least flitted across his face. "Exactly."

He decided not to argue. "Are you all right?" He nodded to the cane, to the limp, to the pain he knew she felt.

"Oh, my hip aches in the winter. I should really have it replaced one of these days."

"I am still so sorry about that."

"Not your fault, you didn't pull the trigger."

"Still." He looked down at her soft, work worn hands a long moment, remembering cooking lessons and hugs after nightmares and a lifetime crammed into a few months time. "I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"You haven't. Not at all." He looked up in disbelief, only to meet her caring smile. "Jason told me what happened."

Spencer shook his head. "I split up from JJ. I let Tobias capture me."

"Spencer…"

"I...I took the drugs out of his pocket, all right, I admit it. It was just so easy to make it all go away and…"

"Has it really been all that easy?'

Spencer thought about it. All the lying, all the hiding, the stress of the job compounded with when was he going to get his next hit… "No. No, it only felt like it at first."

Kate nodded. "You are not the first one to fall into that trap. And you won't be the last. But when you're ready I'll help you make sense of it all again. The hard way at first, but it will get easier over time instead of the other way around."

"Thank you." He hadn't wanted to cry, had wanted to show that he could keep going, that he could take it and fix his own mistakes this time and…. Dammit, he didn't want to cry. "It's funny. No one even asked me how I managed to keep my head while Tobias was…. If they had I might have told them that…that I…" Dammit, he did not want to cry.

"I know, Roo, I know." She rubbed his shoulder, comfort as the tears started. "Just sleep now. We'll get through it together. You're not alone."

He was quiet for a long moment as the drugs that would clear his system, prep him for detox, began to work. "I wish Tobias could have met you." He told her as thing started to get very fuzzy.

"I think I do too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Honor Among Thieves"**

Spencer stood at his bathroom sink, stripped to his waist, scrubbing frantically. His skin was already bright red, was already burning, but it would not come off. It simply would not come off. Finally, in desperation, he grabbed at his phone.

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

He rubbed at it some more while he waited. "Hey Roo. How are you feeling?"

"Kate, how do you get Sharpie marker off your skin?"

"What?"

"How do you get Sharpie marker off your skin?"

"Alcohol, why?"

Holy God thank you. He opened his medicine cabinet and spilled half of it trying to get the bottle of rubbing alcohol out. He didn't bother with cotton, just poured it over abraded skin, hissing at the burn. But it worked, the mark started dissolving instantly. "We had a case come in today. Some friends of Emily's mother. Russian Mafia."

"What?"

"It's all right, it's all right, we were dealing with a thief in law from Odessa. Completely unrelated."

"Well good, but that's not the point. You didn't stand down from this one?"

A few more swipes and it was gone. Completely. He sat on the closed toilet and decided to just shake for a while. "Someone would have asked why. Hotch isn't supposed to, but Morgan would have asked. He's…nosy sometimes. I have forgotten most of my Russian, I don't know if that's good or bad."

"Good, given your vocabulary. Now you can go back and learn the polite version. Didn't Jason say anything?"

"No, not a thing. I think he forgot. He completely forgot."

"Oh Roo."

"But, you know, its okay. I'm home, I'm safe, the case is over, it's done. I'm…I'm fine. Well, I will be fine. I'm going to go watch some Dr. Who and just veg tonight."

"That sounds like a good plan. Why did you want to know how to take a Sharpie off skin?"

Now that it was all over he was suddenly embarrassed by it. But then, it was his Kanga. "Insurance." He admitted after a long moment. "At least it would have made them think twice, right?"

"Spencer…"

"I know, I know, but it made sense at the time. I just…when I heard we were going to get into this one I kind of freaked a little and I went to the bathroom and did it, you know, just in case."

"You didn't need to do that. Your badge ought to be enough now."

"I know. But at least I didn't have a complete panic attack. I stood up to them and I got the job done."

"And I'm proud of you for it. All right, if you need to call me tonight you call. Any hour."

"I will. I love you Kanga."

"I love you Roo. Good night."

Just as Spencer hung up there was a knock on his door, not one he was expecting. He headed out to look, pulling his gun just in case. Just in case. But the figure on the other side was familiar. "Morgan."

"Yeah."

"Hold on." Put gun away. Find shirt. Open door. "What's going on? You brought pizza ."

"Yeah, and The Master." He held up his Charlie Chaplain DVD's. "You gonna let me in?"

"Sure. But what's the occasion?"

Morgan passed over the pizza and peeled out of his jacket. "Because something was bugging you today and I came to find out what."

"What? No, nothing was bothering me today. I'm fine." Turn to kitchen, find plates, soda for him, Morgan could have the beer.

"Nuh-uh, I don't buy it. I've seen you confront enough Unsubs now, when everything gets going you clamp down. You go hard and cold and focused and you, I don't know, kick in the afterburners in that brain of yours until you're outthinking everybody. Now I am not complaining, that's a good thing to have, but you locked down as soon as that Russian mobster got out of the car and you were locked down the rest of the day. So tell me what set you off."

"Nothing." Spencer lied. "I guess it was just the difference between a true psychopath and a common criminal. For Lysowsky killing doesn't satisfy a psychological need so much as it's a business requirement. We were never in any danger because he had no reason to come after us."

"Uh-huh. Then why did you just lock down now."

"What? No, I…"

"Reid, I'm gonna find out someday. You know I won't stop."

Spencer sighed. "Morgan, there is nothing to find out. And if there was you wouldn't be finding out tonight. So why don't we just have some pizza and relax."

"All right, all right."

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington, DC**   
**"In Name and Blood"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Spencer slid down further against his pillows. He felt sick, sick with anger and sick with disappointment and maybe even sick with a little guilt. And sick with the thought that it wouldn't be that hard to go out and buy something that would make him feel that much better.

Thankfully it wasn't long before the phone was picked up, "Hey Roo."

"He left."

"What? Who left?"

"Gideon. He left, moved out; ran away. Left his badge and gun at his cabin for me to find. And a letter, you know. It's not my fault, it's all him. Just. Like. My. Dad."

Kate sighed, a sound that reflected all he felt, "Oh Roo."

"He didn't even think I deserved a good-bye." He was not going to cry about this. Jason Gideon did not deserve his tears.

"Well he was wrong. And you have every good reason to feel hurt and angry; don't let anyone tell you different."

"Do they just think I'm a human computer? Do they think I don't have any feelings? That I'm so damned smart that I'm not really a person anymore?" Okay, maybe he was crying, but it wasn't for Gideon. Not at all.

"Honestly? I think they know you're stronger than they are. And you are, very much so. But being strong doesn't mean you don't hurt."

No, he was not crying for Gideon. "I just wish people would stop leaving me."

"I know Roo. I know it hurts. But the only thing I can give you right now is the same promise I gave you years ago; I'm not going anywhere."

For a moment he was thirteen again and lonely and desperately scared, "Promise?"

She laughed gently. "I do Roo. I'm not going anywhere until I'm done with the work the good Lord gave me and given that I have three intakes on my desk I don't think he's done with me yet."

He laughed with her, but only for a moment. "You know, part of me wants to believe it was because of me, just like I did with my Dad for so long, but I know that's not right. It was the stress of what happened with everyone that did it. It really wasn't me, was it?"

"Nope. He's a grown-up. He's responsible for his own actions, just like your father. This reflects entirely on him, not you."

"I know. It's just hard." Hard to be hit in that same place a third time. Hard. "He said he wanted to go look for his belief in happy endings again. Do you believe in happy endings?"

"No. But I don't believe in endings."

Spencer sighed. "You know I hate to admit it but it would be so easy to get high right now."

He could tell she was instantly on alert. "Do you have the stuff there?"

"No, not in the house. But it would be, you know. I'd feel better."

"Don't you dare Spencer. Jason Gideon is not worth your life."

"I know. That's why I called you instead. I just wish you were here."

"So come home for a week-end. Surely you have enough leave built up."

"No, I don't want to leave the team shorthanded. I promised Gideon I'd never miss a plane again, and I plan to keep my promises."

"That's my boy. How about this, let me call you right back, pick a show and we'll watch it together. You can tell me all the bits of trivia."

Spencer smiled. How many nights had he spent on the couch in Kate's office, the rest of the house in bed, gifted with the latest curfew by virtue of not having to meet a tutor in the morning, watching whatever while she knit and he rambled and she never once cut him off? "You always said I was more entertaining than the show anyway."

"You were. I always learned something new around you Roo. Okay, hang up, let me call you back and put it on my bill."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because tonight it's my treat," he smiled and found his remote.

* * *

**BAU Headquarters  
Washington DC**

Hotch sighed at the pile of mail that was accumulating on his desk. It was double the usual because now he had to handle Gideon's as well. Something else to discuss with him should he ever come back.

"Sir?"

He looked up at the junior agent who handled the mail. "Yes?"

"I thought I should call your attention to this one. I'm sorry; I opened it before I realized it was personal."

"That's all right. Thank you." It was indeed a letter for Gideon, on letterhead, from someplace called Willow Wood Ranch. Because it was open he quickly skimmed it to see if it was emergent at all.

_Jason –_

_I would call you to say my piece but you don't deserve such consideration you chicken shit son of a bitch…_

Hotch blinked. It got worse from there.

Much worse.

A few moments later Morgan stuck his head in the door. "Hotch, I…what's that?'

Hotch gestured for him to come in and close the door. "A letter to Gideon, from someone named Kate, who works at a place called Willow Wood Ranch. It was opened inadvertently."

"What does she want?"

"To have her say about Gideon leaving the BAU and his recent behavior. And his character. And I believe his ancestry."

Morgan blinked at that. "How does she know he's gone? It's only been a few days; she must have written that the day he left."

"Or very soon thereafter; I think this is how she found out." He started reading.  _"If I had known you were going to pull this crap I would have told him to take the research position at CalPoly and not follow you all the way out to DC_."

"Well that can only refer to one person around here."

"Exactly. That paragraph." Hotch pointed and handed it to Morgan to read.

Morgan sighed. "Well that confirms it. I'm assuming we didn't just read that."

"No. It was a personal letter; we had no reason to read it." Hotch carefully returned it to the envelope and set it aside to file in case Gideon ever returned. "Just keep an eye on him."

"I will." Morgan looked down at the bullpen and frowned. "Did you ever hear either of them mention a Kate before?"

"No." Hotch admitted. "I haven't. Why?"

"Well, she has to be someone close to both of them. Reid not only went straight to her when Gideon left but he clearly took that other problem to her as well. And you have to be close to someone to write that kind of letter."

"Stop." Hotch said firmly. "We don't profile each other. It's the only way we can all work together, you know that."

"Yeah, I just don't like secrets."

"Would you like Reid knowing yours?"

Morgan just sighed and shook his head. "I'll keep an eye on him."

* * *

The same batch of mail left a tin of chocolate chip cookies and four new socks on Spencer Reid's desk, along with a note.

_Remember, I'm not going anywhere._

_\- K_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"About Face"**

"Who? Kate asked.

"Dave Rossi." Spencer had wanted to bounce off the walls ever since Hotch had given them the news. But he had played it cool until he got home and was able to call Kate in private. Surely that was a sign of maturity or something. "He was one of the founders of the BAU. He  _wrote Deviance: The Secret Desires of Sadistic Serial Killers_ ,  _Frenzy: America's Worst Spree Killers_ , um _, Eyes of a Predator_ …"

"Oh yes, I remember now. Those were the ones I had you keep away from the other kids. I always worried about you reading those; I never thought it would all turn into a career choice."

"Yeah, well he's coming back to the BAU, to our team. I get to work with him!"

Kate laughed. "Good for you Roo. It sounds like working with this man will be an honor, and one you rightfully deserve."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far."

"You don't have to, that's my job. "

He laughed at that. "Thank you, Kanga. I love you too."

* * *

Three days later a tin of ginger snaps landed on his desk. Spencer was immensely gratified when Dave Rossi pronounced them the best he had ever tasted.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Spencer Reid's apartment  
Washington DC  
"3** **rd** **Life/Elephant's Memory"**

"I had to do it Kanga." Spencer said into his phone. "I had to stop them. They would have shot him in the street for making a stupid mistake. That wasn't right and I don't know why they couldn't see that." He was back in bed again. No, he had no idea why this was his favorite place to curl up and talk to Kate. It might symbolize returning to the womb.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe they could, but they were blinded by their fear for you?' Kate asked him in return. "Love and fear can manifest as anger, but usually burns out faster than true anger."

"And they did, so…maybe. I just…I couldn't bear to see another kid die in front of me, especially one who wasn't truly evil, who was just trying to psychologically survive."

"I know Roo. And I am proud of you. You stood up for what you believe, at great risk. That's an important thing. And I completely agree with you, it sounds like that so-called father was the one who ought to be shot."

"Thanks." Okay, maybe he was starting to feel better. "I started telling Morgan about what happened."

"Oh?"

"We were talking about bullying and he started telling about how he became a jock to stop kids from kicking his ass every day. He said it was about survival." He heard Kate start that helpless laughter she got when talking to 'adults' at times. "I know. But then I told him about what happened on the football field," He suddenly remembered that he told Morgan that he hadn't told anyone. He didn't at the time, he didn't tell Kate until years after. "And it was like he understood somehow. He...he got it, you know. I almost hate to think why."

"One in three girls and one in seven boys, you know that."

"Yeah, but Morgan?" That would explain a lot though.

"No one is immune. So what else is going on with you Roo?"

"Hmm, did I tell you I joined a 12 step group?'

"Oh Roo…."

"What?" She sounded…disappointed. "I thought you'd be happy to hear it?"

"I don't know Roo. You're not a true addict; self-medicating trauma is not the same thing. Their mantra of once an addict always an addict doesn't apply to you. But it does take a toll on the self-esteem, which is an issue for people who have been where you've been. You'd be better off with a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and complex-PTSD."

"Hmm, I hadn't thought about that. I was just hoping I'd find someone here who understood. I mean I love you, but…."

"Well, you might, I'm not saying you shouldn't go. Just take it with a grain of salt is all."

"All right. I ran into someone from work there, a different department, but now I kind of have to keep going." He smiled into the phone a little. "Ten months, twelve days you know. He gave me his one year coin to hold, he said it took him six years to get it. I don't know, I don't….I don't want to let him down.

"You won't. I am very proud of you Roo." He could hear her smile. "Well, some of it might be helpful and if nothing else it would be an interesting anthropological exercise."

He chuckled. "You are the only other person I know who would think that way." He told her. "Do you know of any good therapists in DC?"

"Cross-contamination, I've been around you too long." He heard the squeak of her rocking chair as she hauled herself to her feet. "The question is not do I know any, the question is how long these notes have been on my desk. How many years have you been in DC now?"

"I know you've told me this before, why didn't you give me a name sooner?"

"Because it would have done you no good until you were receptive to the idea, you know that. While I dig, tell me what else is going on with you. Still having nightmares?"

"Yes." Those were a constant in his life. "I've been having the one about the kid in the laundry room. You're absolutely certain that couldn't involve Stas?"

"Yes, I am. You've memorized Jim's file, you know that boy is too young. Whatever that was it happened well before you met me. Ahh, here we are. Ready to write?"

"Yes, Ma'am."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Wyndham Garden Manhattan**   
**New York City, NY**   
**"Lo-Fi/Mayhem"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

It had been one hell of a day. They chased down a terrorist cell, damn near lost Hotch, did lose another agent, damn near lost Morgan and managed to blow a highly impressive crater in the middle of Central Park. But through it all, one thought had been running in the back of Spencer's mind, one thought that he couldn't voice to anyone on the team. Now, in the privacy of his hotel room, he could call the one person he could trust with anything. Now he could let himself feel.

He sat there wiping his cheeks until she picked up the phone, "Hey, Roo."

"Hey Kanga," Gah, why were his cheeks wet anyway?

"What's wrong hun?"

"JJ's pregnant."

"What?"

"JJ's pregnant. By that guy she's been seeing, that cop from New Orleans."

"Oh Roo."

"I should be happy for her. And I am happy for her, I'm thrilled for her. I mean, so long as she's happy for herself, which she seems to be. But I'm just…I don't know why it's bothering me so much, you know."

There was a gentle pause on the other end of the line. "Maybe because she's the first girl you ever fell for."

Spencer sighed. "And now she's starting a family." He agreed. He'd had a crush on JJ forever even though he'd been too shy and too nervous and too  _young_  on their date to ever have it go anywhere. And now she had Will and…. "I don't know if this is jealousy or envy."

"A little of both, maybe. Why envy?"

"She's starting a family." The concept was still thundering around in his head. "I mean, it just feels different from when Hotch and Haley had Jack. Hotch was….I don't know…older."

"And you felt younger then, I'll bet. But lately you've been catching up to your peers, I can tell. And JJ is a peer to you. First family in your peer group."

"Yeah. I don't know. I guess I never really thought about becoming a father before. I envy her that."

"Why? You wanted to be the first?"

"No, I just…I just can't see it happening."

"Why not? You're only 26; you have years to start a family. You don't know what the future will bring. If you want a family, start working toward that."

"But…I'm just…" How could she say that so casually? Out of everyone surely she would understand."

"You're just what Roo?"

It took him a long moment to pierce the bubble of pain that had finally swelled around him. "I'm too broken, Kanga. I'm too broken for that."

"Ahhh. No, I don't believe you are, dear. Unless you're referring to a psychological or emotional level, in which case I know you're not broken. I've told you that before."

"How do you know that?"

"Psychologically? You're able to talk about it, put it all in context and perspective. And emotionally you're able to love and care for the people around you, that's what matters. You're healthier than many parents out there." He heard the squeak of her chair, the familiar lumber of her footsteps across her floor, the sound of a filing cabinet being unlocked. "Now do you remember Dr. Matson?"

"Um, no."

"Well, that was that first week. Lacunar amnesia, dear, and it's not the only instance. Ah, here we are, treatment was successful, 85% restoration of function if no further complications developed over the next six months, which they did not. And I'm assuming nothing untoward happened after what happened in Georgia?"

Georgia. Tobias. "Um, no." He never thought there was anything he did not want to discuss with Kanga. He had now found something.

"There you are then. Go see a doctor there and get checked out if you like. I think you're perfectly fine, Roo, just a bit of a late bloomer, and there is nothing wrong with that."

"You really think so?"

"So much so that I'm going to start knitting baby things and put them away for when the time comes."

With that he started chuckling. "I'm not even dating anyone Kate."

"So? I have every faith in you. And I want to be ready when my 'grandbabies' get here."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**Emily Prentiss' apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Minimal Loss"**

They day after the raid Emily opened her eyes, rolled over, and remembered a fact she had not had reason to remember for many years; a good beating always hurts more the day after than the day of.

She slowly groaned her way to her feet, shuffled her way into the bathroom, and encountered the second half of that fact, it would look steadily worse over the next week.

Both her eyes were swollen, the left near to blocking her vision. Her upper lip was swollen and her lower was split. Her nose was thankfully not broken but was very near to. She had a number of bruises absolutely everywhere. And all of them had turned such lovely shades of red and purple and dark navy blue. There was no hope in hell of ever putting on enough make-up to cover all of this. And that was just on her face, her arms and torso were just as bad if not worse. And the ER had already told her she had a cracked rib to baby for a time.

She made it through a shower, put on her softest lay around the house clothes and headed out to the kitchen where she encountered the third fact of the morning; the day you literally looked too horrible to be out in public, too horrible to even call a delivery man, is the day you will have nothing in your fridge or pantry for breakfast, or any other meal for that matter. You won't even have ice for a pack.

She had just enough for coffee, so she started that while contemplating her options. Just then her phone rang. "Reid?"

"Emily, good morning. I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, I'm just making coffee."

"Good. I'm coming over. No arguments."

Sigh. "All right."

"Not fifteen minutes later she was letting him in. "Hi. What's going on?"

He followed her in, carrying two shopping bags. "I know you said what happened was not my fault, and that it was your decision and I respect that…"

Oh great. "But…"

"But when people decide to take injuries for me, I try to at least help them heal. And I know how bad a beating can be the next day." He had put both bags on her kitchen counter, and from one he pulled two pounds of chipped ice. "I brought bags too."

Emily had been about to say something, she wasn't sure what, but something, but when she saw the ice she gave up. "Thank you." She poured the coffee and found the sugar as he put together an ice pack for her. "If that other bag has breakfast I will openly acknowledge your genius."

"Well, that is an accepted fact. It's not enough for breakfast but…" He pulled two tins out of the other bag. "…an old friend likes to send me cookies and stuff; I brought over jam bars and rocky road fudge."

"Okay, you're a genius." It was a little, okay a lot, early for fudge but she helped herself to a jam bar. It was all rich, shortbread crust and crumbly oatmeal streusel and… "What kind of jam is this, it's not raspberry."

"Prickly pear, she cans it herself." Spencer was poking around in her fridge. "You really don't have anything for breakfast."

"Oh my God." They were heavenly. "No, I don't. And I can't go out; as soon as someone looks at me I'm going to be explaining to DC Metro how my non-existent boyfriend is not hitting me."

"I'll go for you." Spencer looked around for a pad and pencil and passed them. "And when I get back I'll cook."

"No, Reid, you don't have to."

"Emily." He sighed. "Unless you have a reason for kicking me out let me help you, just to say thank you."

Emily sagged. It was like shooing away a puppy. "All right, but just for today; and we'll order in for lunch and dinner, just get cereal or something."

"You know I can actually cook."

Emily was already listing down what she might need for a few days. She looked up at him skeptically, "Really?"

"Yeah, well, I'm not nearly as good as Rossi or Gideon but I can scramble eggs, bake chicken."

"No, we'll do take-out, but you can show me for breakfast. You very nearly got blown up yesterday you should be taking it easy too. I have no clue how you managed not to get injured."

"Oh, I just got some bumps and bruises, I'll be fine."

God damn it. "Reid." Why must he always play the martyr? "What happened? Let me see."

"No, Emily, I…"

"Let me see." Hey, he deserved a little TLC too.

Spencer sighed, and pulled his shirt out of his pants, revealing a wicked black and blue mark on his abdomen. "There's no internal damage. I already had it checked."

"Are you sure? I mean you don't have to go anywhere, we can order in."

"No, I'm fine. I know how to take a gut shot." He grinned. "Besides, it was only one hit."

She chuckled at his grin, finished the list and passed over some cash. "Okay. Here, if it's more I'll cover it when you get back. And when you do you're sharing the ice."

"Okay. Keep the ice on, twenty on, twenty off. I'll be back." He headed for the door, doubled back, grabbed a jam bar and was out.

Emily was just about to settle in her favorite chair with coffee, an ice pack and another jam bar when someone knocked again. "Oh, what did you forget?" But it wasn't Reid. "Morgan? What are you doing here?"

"Checking up on you; how are you feeling?"

"Better. There's coffee. You just missed Reid, he went out for stuff for breakfast, and he brought jam bars."

Morgan stopped in the kitchen to help himself, "What's Reid doing here this early?"

"According to him, he knows what it's like to be beaten and he likes to take care of the people who take an injury for him. Any of that ring any bells?"

Morgan shrugged as he looked over the tins. "The first could be Hankel."

"Not this bad." Emily moved the ice pack.

Morgan whistled. "Well there hasn't been anything else while he's been with the Bureau and I can't imagine CalTech being a place for the tough crowd. Maybe high school, I know he had it rough back then."

Emily frowned. "Jesus. Those kids in Vegas must be vicious if they did this to him back then."

"He told me of at least one incident. It was pretty bad. But then a lot of people have it rough."

"Yeah, but most don't graduate when they're twelve."

Morgan stopped to consider this. "That's true, I hadn't thought of that. Who the hell does that to a ten year old kid?"

"I don't know, but whoever they are I wouldn't be surprised if they turned up as an Unsub at some point."

"Yeah." While he was sampling the tins something caught his eye. He looked at the mailing label on the top of the tin, "Willow Wood Ranch."

"Yeah, Reid said they were from an old friend."

"Someone named Kate. Gideon knew her too, or she knew him at least."

"Well, those two do go way back. Are you staying for breakfast?"

"Yeah they do. Yeah, why?'

Because I'll text Reid so he gets enough. You know he's cooking."

"Tell him to get enough for four, Garcia is on her way."

Emily chuckled. "He said he could cook; now he can prove it." She looked out the window as she dialed. "Oh great, it's going to rain. Good day for staying in."

* * *

The four of them spend the rest of the day watching movies, playing cards, and telling tales. Later on they ordered in Chinese for supper.

They didn't bother with lunch, the eggs and pancakes for brunch satisfied.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Bridges' Residence**   
**Las Vegas, NV**   
**"The Instincts/Memoriam"**

After his latest nightmare, after he flipped out in the family's living room, Spencer told Morgan he just needed a minute to clear his head. He had no clue why this case was bothering him this much. If he had been having nightmares about high school or about Stas or any of a dozen things he would have chalked it up to being back in Vegas, having to work there. But why kids that young? Life was good back then. He settled on the stoop and called the one number where he might get answers.

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"I'm sorry Dr. Reid, she's not in."

The world stopped turning. "What?" Kate never left the ranch overnight. Not ever.

"She had to go up to Carson City for a few days, something about our budget. I can contact her and have her call you."

"Please. This number." Oh god, of all the times. He quickly tried another number.

"Las Vegas Police."

"May I speak to Captain Jim Brass, please?"

"I'm sorry, he's out on vacation. Do you want his voice mail?"

"No, thank you." Damn it.

It looked like he was on his own.

* * *

The next day his phone rang. "Hey Roo, I'm sorry I missed your call, they should have given you my new cell number but you know how careful we have to be."

"Yeah, I know." Kate had to switch cell phones every month, just in case. "Does the name Riley Jenkins mean anything to you?"

"No, sweetie, not at all."

"You're sure?"

"I remember all my boys, you know. That name's not ringing any bells, why?"

"I'm not sure. I'll keep you posted."

* * *

If he was glad of one thing, it was that his parent's moved after whatever happened. It meant that he could deal with North Las Vegas PD now. If he had had to go to Metro Center he would have waited for Jim to return.

Even so, he was nervous until he was sure no one recognized him at all.

Thank God.

* * *

**The Fountainview  
Las Vegas, NV**

"Rossi keeps asking me if I want to go down this road."

"It's a legitimate question." Kate said. "Do you?"

"It would help explain what happened with Stas."

"What happened with Stas was a mistake, Spencer. A simple mistake made out of desperation that became a nightmare, you know that."

"Yeah, well it might explain the subconscious reasoning behind that mistake."

She sighed. "I just wish you would wait until I was down there."

"How long are the budget hearings going on?"

"Through the end of the week; I'd say to hell with it and come home but I'm the only one in the state who can't independently raise funds."

"I know, I know, but we can't be away from DC that long."

"Well, at least you're not alone. Call me anytime Roo, the Senator can go slash his suit budget for all I care."

"I will Kanga. Love you."

"Love you too Roo."

* * *

**Kierschenbaum, Wieder and Moore**   
**Attorneys at Law**   
**Summerlin, NV**

As soon as Spencer and his friends left, William Reid picked up the phone.

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"Kate Beckett, please."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"William Reid."

"I'm sorry; Kate is out of the office until Monday. May I have her call you?"

"Look, I'm a lawyer, this is an emergency; I need to speak to her as soon as possible. Do you have any way of contacting her?"

"I'll have her contact you as soon as possible, Sir."

"Thank you." As soon as the girl on the other end of the line hung up William went and poured himself a drink. How dare the bitch, how dare she?

Thankfully it was only a few moments before his phone rang, "A Kate Beckett on line 2 for you."

"Thank you."

A moment later, "Now what is so all fired up important William?"

"You know good and well what is so important, bitch! We had a deal!"

"What are you babbling about?"

"Spencer! He was in my office not five minutes ago, him and two thugs from the FBI, throwing all kinds of wild accusations around about some kid that was murdered years ago." And now everything was going to fall apart. After all this time.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Well, well, well, I didn't even know he was in town."

"Oh bullcrap! You expect me to believe that? We had a deal!"

"And I have honored my end of the deal. I never said one word to him about it and I never will. He'll find out from you or find out when you're dead and gone, not before. But he is still your son and if he wants to have words over the way you treated him and his mother then that's his prerogative. As far as I'm concerned that's the least that a coward who left his mentally ill wife to be cared for by a ten year old boy deserves."

William paced around his office. How the hell did things go so very wrong? "If I found out you had anything to do with this the deal is off."

"And if you stop you can just deal with Jim. It's abandonment all over again and you know it. We'll see how long your law firm keeps you on when we drag you into court."

"You…you BITCH!"

She just laughed, "A pleasure doing business with you too William. Have a nice day."

* * *

**The Fountainview  
Las Vegas, NV**

"He Googled me. He's kept track of me all these years and yet he never once checked up on us." Spencer paced around a circle of sidewalk. "Everyone seems to think that should mean something."

"They don't know the entire story, Roo. And they won't until you tell them"

"I know. It's just…back when I was…dealing with Stas I used to dream that he would drive up and not let me get in that car, you know? I dreamed he would save me and protect Mom. Only he never did. And all the while he was ten minutes away. Ten minutes." The memory made him almost physically ill. "And if he knew now he would probably reject me all over again."

"Oh, you don't know that, Roo."

"It would not surprise me. Hell, even Gideon left." He leaned against the building and squinted into the desert sun. "As strange as it sounds Jim was more of a Dad than my Dad ever was. And, you know I love Mom, but…"

"I love you too, Roo."

* * *

"Do you know a good hypnotist in town?'

"A hypnotist?"

"I need to remember what happened back then, Kanga. It's important." He heard her sigh, the tapping of computer keys. "You got a laptop?"

"State requirement, I do not hook it up to the internet; we all know how much trouble that can be. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I really wish people would stop asking me that."

"Oh all right. Here we go, Jan Mohikian, she's a psychiatrist, specializing in hypnotherapy. Use my name if you like, but if you do and tell her it's about your father she's going to jump to the wrong conclusions. Are you going alone?'

"No, Rossi is going with me."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Are you sure you want to do that Spencer? She might dig up things other than just your father."

Spencer nodded. "I trust him."

"Well, that's good to know."

* * *

"So that's it. That's why the whole thing happened." Spencer sniffed a little. He had no idea why he wanted to cry. "He said he lost confidence and couldn't be my father anymore."

"And how do you feel about that?" Kate asked gently.

"Angry, still. I mean, if he knew… I was so tempted to throw it all in his face, everything that happened. But Mom was right there and off her meds and I… I wouldn't hurt her, you know. I can't believe she forgave him."

"Now stop right there. Your parents had a relationship well before you came into the picture. You have no business getting involved between them. If Diana chooses to forgive William and take him back into her life that's her business. So long as she remains physically safe and cared for you have no say in the matter. Just like she has no say in whatever relationship you choose to have with William now."

"I know. At the moment I don't plan to have any at all. I'm…I'm not ready to forgive him."

"Well, that's your choice. At least now you know the truth."

"Yeah, I do." His father had tried to do the right thing, but he was weak and a coward and had given up too soon. And everything bad had come of that decision. "So when are you coming back in town?"

"Oh, they decided to hold over until Monday. I'm stuck up here for the week-end."

"Too bad, I was going to introduce you to Morgan and Rossi. We'll have to do that next time."

"Yes, we will."

* * *

"You know what's bothered me about all this." Morgan said. He and Rossi were sitting at the bar, watching Reid talk to someone on the phone over in the lobby. "How did he manage to hang on to so much anger over the years?"

"I think we're missing a chunk of the picture." Rossi replied. "Let's pretend I have a pencil to go with this napkin. You know the profile of the paranoid schizophrenic; do you think Diana Reid could have held down a job?"

"Reid said she was a college professor."

"Before or after what happened with Gary Michaels?"

Morgan sighed, "After, probably not. And she would have deteriorated further once William left."

"Mmm-hmm, now we can assume some savings, but they sold their home six years prior. Given how quickly they had to move they probably sold it at a loss."

"Dumped their savings into the new home, and then paid off the loan with the old. Six years does not leave a long time to build up a savings." Morgan shrugged. "But lawyers make decent money."

"Remember, Garcia checked his financials. Back when he left he was making about six thousand a month. Now, figure a kid, for one, and car payments, caring for a house, and so on. And he would have had to pay for Diana's medical care; if she was diagnosed before he bought health insurance they wouldn't have covered her."

"Yeah, but disability…."

"Is need based. They owned their own home and William made too much."

"So how much are we talking?"

"Two grand a month. So figure he's bringing in six gross, five after taxes. Two off the top for meds; you can make it on two and a half without a house payment…"

"That leaves five hundred a month for savings." Morgan nodded. "Times twelve months is six thousand, times six years is thirty-six thousand."

"Then William leaves, you have to start drawing that down by four thousand, five hundred a month, maybe five thousand if she needs more meds. So sometime around Reid's eleventh birthday the money ran out."

Morgan blinked and looked over at his friend across the lobby. "So where did he get the money from that point on?"

"I don't know. But I bet the answer explains why he's still so angry at his father." Rossi watched Morgan pull out his phone. "Who are you calling?"

"Garcia…no, she's at the hospital with JJ. I'll do it later."

"Do you really want to go down that road?"

Morgan sighed. "He's my friend. I want to help him."

"He's doing all right now. Would you want him knowing all your secrets?"

Morgan sighed again. He honestly didn't know.

* * *

**Bennington Sanatorium  
Las Vegas, NV**

"Hello, Kate?"

"Yes, William?"

"I, um. I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier."

"Oh, that's all right William. I get called a bitch six times a day. It goes with the territory."

"Yeah, right. I, um, I know that you had a big hand in helping Spencer get to where he is and I just wanted…I just wanted to say thank you. You…did an amazing job."

"Well, thank you William. It wasn't all me, your wife did most of it. Thank her."

"I have been, I'm here at the…I'm here with her right now."

There was a pause on the line. "Well, well, I have missed quite a bit. I'm glad to hear it William, I truly am."

He smiled a little. "And about out agreement."

"Oh?"

"I think I'm, um, I'm going to handle it directly from now on. If there's no reason not to."

"No, not at all, not anymore. That will save me the paperwork. Just so you know Spencer wanted me to keep in touch with Dr. Norman, so if anything happens…"

"It won't. And you can, um, tell Spencer…about our agreement. When the time is right."

"Well, that's just fine then. Thank you William, it's been a pleasure doing business with you over the years."

"Right. Thanks." William Reid hung up and returned to his wife.

* * *

**Washington Medical Center**   
**Birth center**   
**Washington DC**

With JJ's permission Spencer took a quick picture with his phone, then stepped out of the unit and sent it off. A moment later his phone rang, "Hey Kanga."

"Hey Roo. Who is that?"

"That's my godson, Henry. Isn't he wonderful?"

"Oh, he's precious! Congratulations hun."

"Thanks, but I think that ought to go to his mom."

"Yes, it should. Oh, you are going to make a wonderful godfather,"

"That's only because I have great role models."

"Well, thank you Roo."

"No, thank you."

* * *

A week later Spencer showed up at JJ's door, with a baby blanket, all white wool and lace. "A friend made it for my godson." He told her.

"Oh Spence, it's beautiful. Are you sure?"

He watched JJ wrap Henry up in that blanket and felt a little of the love and safety of Kate and the Ranch reach out and wrap up Henry too. "Oh yeah."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"52 Pickup"**

"Willow Wood Ranch"

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

For once Spencer wasn't in bed. He was in his kitchen, waiting for an actual meal to finish cooking. OK, it was just spaghetti, this sauce she taught him, but still. He smiled as the phone was picked up. "Hey Roo, what are you up to?"

"Cooking dinner."

"This late?"

"We just got in and I was hungry. So I, um, met a girl."

"Really?" Not that he hadn't had Kate's full attention before but he could feel her go on alert. "Someone I should know?"

"Well, unfortunately no. She ended up being a victim of the Unsub we were hunting, so, you know, I can't go there. But I met her before she became a victim."

"And? You called hun, tell me everything."

"Well this Unsub was hunting women in clubs, so we went out in the evening to try to warn people. Most of the women wouldn't even listen long enough to take my flyer, but then Morgan suggested I try a magic trick with the bartender. And I guess she, um, found it kind of charming. She was cute and pretty and she, um, wanted my phone number. I mean it was just completely….normal."

"And how did you feel?"

"Um, all right, actually. Not as nervous as I was with JJ or Lila. I mean, a little, but not in a bad way, if that makes sense."

"It does. I always said you were a late bloomer, Roo. That just proves it."

Spencer smiled as he stirred the pan. "So, what should I do now?"

"Are you going to see this girl again?'

"Honestly, probably not; she lives in Atlanta, for one, and she's officially a victim now. That would be unethical."

"All right, so are you going to try again? I assume they have clubs in DC."

He hadn't thought of that. "Well, I…guess. Maybe Morgan will want to…"

"Give it a try Roo. You never know."

"You know, I think I will."

* * *

The following Friday when Morgan suggested going out Spencer said yes.

He was quite certain that the small flock of women who gathered at their table were originally there for Morgan, or more specifically for Morgan's body. But after couple of card tricks they were actually paying at least some attention to him. And when they went to dance with Morgan one or two stayed behind to talk to him. Especially this one girl, a nurse named Judy who gave him her phone number…

Kanga was right, it was a start.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**Nichols' residence**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Amplification"**

Later Spencer would call going into Nichols' lab his third big mistake.

* * *

"Go help Hotch."

"Hotch has plenty of people helping him."

"He needs you more than I do."

Morgan shook his head. "Reid, I'm going to see you off to the hospital."

"I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down." Spencer replied. "Is that something you really want to see?"

Ahhh… "I'll check on you later." Morgan looked over at Dr. Kimura. "Take good care of him please."

Dr. Kimura nodded and passed the cure off to her assistant. She turned back just as Spencer was starting to peel out of his clothes. "I hope you're right about this."

"So do I." Spencer swallowed and kept going. This was going to hurt; this was going to hurt in ways that it hadn't hurt in many years now. The water was cold and the brushes were hard and that soap would sting once they got to work, and it was strangers with those heavy gloves and they had to go everywhere just in case….

"Dr. Reid, did you cut yourself?"

…and it all might be for naught anyway. Spencer stopped to look at where the rose had cut him. Roses, roses and water. For a moment he remembered a pool and a warm LA night and perfume and it was all real and regret. "Just keep going." A few moments later he had his shirt and undershirt off and was working on his pants when he heard Dr. Kimura gasp. He looked at her over his shoulder. "Just keep going." He repeated. "It was a long time ago."

* * *

When they were finished scrubbing him down, when he was lying on the gurney, shivering, he stopped her a moment. "If anything happens, could you ask my team to send a message for me?"

"Sure, anything," Dr. Kimura replied.

"Ask them to get a message to Captain Brass, Las Vegas PD. Ask them to tell him and Kate I said thank you."

"I will." She put the mask over his face and they ran.

* * *

**Washington Medical Center**   
**Secure Unit**   
**Washington DC**

Morgan swore this was taking forever.

They said the treatment worked. They said his fever had broken. They said he was resting comfortably. But they had no clue if there would be any long term damage, mental or otherwise. There was no way to know until he woke up. And they had no clue how long that would take. But Morgan swore it was taking forever.

"Excuse me, Agent Morgan?"

Morgan looked up to find Dr. Kimura standing there with a file in her hand, "Yeah?"

"I know that Agent Hotchner is the primary carrier for Dr. Reid's medical power of attorney but he's gone home for the night. You're listed as the secondary; I'm hoping you can help."

"Anything."

She had closed the door behind her. "Your tech sent over a copy of his medical records, but they aren't complete. Do you know of any that the Bureau might not know about officially?"

Well hell. "Did Hotch talk to you about issues with narcotics? Off the record?"

"Dr. Kimura nodded. "He did, and I have the relevant files on that case. No, I was referring to any previous injuries."

Injuries? "No, everything would be in that report. What makes you think he would have been injured?"

"This." She went to Spencer's bedside, tucked back the blanket and sheet, took him by the hips and shoulders and gently rolled her toward him. As she did his hospital gown fell open, baring his back so Morgan could see the scars. "I first noticed them during decontamination."

"Jesus." Morgan muttered as his brain tried to make sense of what his eyes were telling him.

"I don't think He had anything to do with this."

Morgan recognized the type of injuries he was looking at, this kind of looped stripe, that particular rough pattern, those double lines. Those small burn scars were from a cigarette but the larger round ones mystified him. They were all old, yes, but from the separation and stretching not that old, he hadn't grown that much since he'd acquired them. Who the hell had beaten….no, tortured his friend over and over again? Who the hell?

Dr. Kimura gently lowered Spencer back to the bed. "He has scarring over most of his torso and upper legs, including the groin area. My concern is that incidents that would leave marks like that might also have caused internal injuries that might complicate recovery."

"Oh, you do not know how much I wish I could help you but I really don't know. He never said anything to me." No, maybe. A question he had never answered. "I'll have Garcia keep digging, see what we can find."

"All right, thank you."

As soon as Dr. Kimura stepped out Morgan picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number, "Hey, babygirl."

"Hey, how's Reid doing?"

"He's not awake yet. I need you to look something up for me and the doc here."

"Tell me and let my fingers fly."

"Look up Willow Wood Ranch, anywhere near Las Vegas."

"Looking, looking…nothing."

"No, that can't be."

"Well, there's no business with that name."

"Look for anything, anything at all."

He heard her typing but…."Nope, nada."

"Now that can't be Garcia; he gets mail from there all the time."

"Well, it might be the name of someone's house, but it's not listed anywhere."

Morgan sighed. "All right, do me a favor and send Rossi this way."

"Will do. Let me know when he wakes up?"

"You'll be the first I call."

* * *

"Are you sure?" Rossi asked.

"Yeah, the scarring is specific. Someone beat him, tortured him, there's no other way to describe it."

"And there's no record?"

"None that Garcia can find." Morgan shook his head. "You know, I know Diana wasn't well…"

"No. Not even Reid could intellectualize his way out of that one. Sick or not, if she had caused those kinds of injuries there's no way they could be as close as they are. Do you think William could have done it?"

"I don't think so. He got in the wind when Reid was ten; based on the separation of the scars he grew since they were made but not that much. Now I would say the kids in high school but there was no way the school could have let that many injuries go."

"And you said Garcia couldn't find this Willow Wood Ranch?"

"Not a thing. The return address on the tin of cookies on his desk goes back to a PO box; there's no name attached to the box, and I don't know how they managed that, and there's no other listing anywhere for it. You know, I'm having trouble connecting that kind of evil with someone who sends Reid cookies and a baby blanket for Henry and chewed Gideon a new one for leaving him."

Rossi had been considering all this time. Morgan had been watching so he saw when the connections came together in the older man's eyes. "Morgan, let it go." He finally said, quietly.

"What?" Morgan was shocked. "I can't do that Rossi. Someone tortured my friend; I'm not going to let that go."

"A friend who is fine now and an incident that happened a long time ago. We all have things in our past we don't want to share, not yet anyway. When he's ready to talk about it he will."

Morgan sighed. "I just don't want him to get hurt again."

"I agree, and if there is any indication of that happening I'll step in with you. But for now just let it go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue taken from Criminal Minds 04X24 "Amplification" No copyright infringement intended


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**San Sebastian Hospital**   
**Near Washington DC**   
**"Nameless, Faceless"**

Despite Rossi's urgings Morgan was going to ask Reid what the hell had happened. But he just never got a chance.

First they were on a case when Reid got out of the hospital, then they had another right after while he took a few sick days. It seemed like there was no time at all before he was back and they were heading out on that nightmare of a case in Canada. And then on all of four hours sleep they were called out again and then Hotch was attacked and Reid was shot.

On the other hand, waiting until now made it a lot easier. It was hard for Reid to hide the abuse scars on his thigh with his leg hanging in a sling. "Hey, how's it going?" Morgan asked him when he came into the room

"Not bad, actually," Spencer set his book aside. "They gave me a nerve block instead of IV opiates. I can't feel my leg at all but everything else is fine; just a little dizzy."

Morgan looked over the elaborate bandages and brace thing. "You look like you're turning into an android."

"Given that I have two screws in my knee now that's entirely possible."

"Looks like you're going to have new scars to go with your old ones."

Spencer froze. After a long moment he made the connection. "Dr. Kimura."

"Yeah. Look, it's not my business; I am not going to ask. Just tell me the bastard isn't walking around loose somewhere."

Spencer was quiet a long moment. "Actually he's ten years into a twenty year stint at Ely State Prison." He sighed. "Honestly, I really don't want to talk about it."

"All right, all right." Morgan did the math. "He got twenty years for that?"

"No, he originally got five years for this. After he got out on parole he took a shot at Gideon and another cop."

"Ohhh, well that would do it." Somehow, knowing that Gideon had taken care of the matter made it easier to accept. "So he's already been up for parole…once?"

"Twice, Nevada prisons are chronically overcrowded."

Ugh. "Well, if you go out to testify and want company…"

"Thank you."

While they were having this discussion Morgan had been inspecting that brace. "How are you going to get around your apartment on that thing?"

"I have no idea."

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"The Uncanny Valley"**

"I know we deal with horrors on this job every day but this one just, I don't know, particularly bothered me." Spencer said into his phone. He was standing at the stove, an old dishtowel tucked into his belt by way of an apron, attempting a batch of coconut tofu curry. Months of being unable to stand in his kitchen long enough to cook, months of takeout and his friends' casseroles and leftovers and with the sole exception of Rossi's contribution he was royally sick of it all. He was also sick of candy and soda and with the other exception of the tins of cookies and sweet breads that had been regularly shipped out from Nevada he was sick of sweets. He wanted to cook his own fresh, spicy food these days, was actually enjoying the process and the learning curve. It came to him then that he had actually developed a new hobby; "Maybe because he was an intelligent man who used his intelligence to prey on children."

"I can see why that would bother you Roo. But you've dealt with monsters that prey on children before." Kate replied

"Yeah, we have. I don't know, it might have been because he then treated his daughter with electroshock therapy, resulting in brain damage. She started out a perfectly healthy girl and he literally broke her for his own pleasure. After seeing how actual mental illness progresses I just found it utterly horrifying."

"So what did you do?"

"I profiled him, observation and knowledge of the patterns of human behavior. I spotted his trophy collection, toys that he gave his victims sitting on a shelf in his office and told him that I would be bringing in his previous victims in to the courtroom so the jury could see their reaction to the toys. And that's exactly what I plan to do. It was amazing to watch though, you could tell that it was the first time that a peer had actually stood up and told him he was wrong."

"Oh really?"

"Yes." This was coming out remarkably well.

"It rather sounds like what happened with Strauss in that hearing."

"Yes, well, that's another example. She wanted me to spin the truth to suit her goals and that was wrong. I don't think anyone had ever told her no, these are the facts, you're wrong' before."

"I guess I'm just not used to hearing about you standing up to any sort of authority like that."

"It's not about standing up to authority so much, it's…it's about something Gideon tried to teach me, and it took me a long time to learn."

"Oh?"

"He always said the only way I would ever beat him at chess was to think outside the box. After he left I started trying to think my way through all the permutations of moves on a chessboard. And I realized that inevitably it's always the same game, aggressive opening moves, long patient middle game and so on until someone wins. That's what chess is, it's a game. In order to think outside the box you have to not play."

"Okay."

"So, when you think about it, when we go out we play a game, much like chess. Call it 'catch the Unsub', you have to out think your opponent and get as many moves ahead of them as possible. And ninety-nine times out of a hundred the Unsub is also the bad guy. But every so often you get a case where the Unsub isn't really the bad guy, Tobias, Amanda, and Owen Savage for examples. We end up locking up the original victim who was just trying to survive. This time I decided not to play 'catch the Unsub' and went after the bad guy instead. The same thing with Strauss, everyone was playing 'Protect Hotch but save your job', and I decided not to play. I stood up for the truth instead." This dish was turning out excellent. "So, maybe it is standing up to authority. It's a realization that you have an ongoing choice, to play or not to play, or to play a different game, regardless of what game the authority says you must play. You always have a choice; once you're aware of that you see it. That's what he meant by thinking outside the box. I think if I would have figured this out back then I would have realized that the question was never about beating Gideon or not, the question was whether or not I was enjoying the game."

"And that would have altered the way you play and then who knows. Huh."

"What, you don't think that's right?"

"No, I agree with you." Kate replied. "I'm just wondering when this confident grown man decided to start calling me."

Well that….that was….Spencer stood there at his stove with the phone in one hand and a spoon in the other and slowly smiled. "Thank you Kanga."

"You're welcome Roo."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"JJ"**

After everything that happened he almost couldn't wait to get home to call. It was all he could do not to break down until he got there.

"Willow Wood Ranch"

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

Healing, he recalled, was never a linear process. He may have been perfectly mature yesterday, but after the news today he had stopped and filled his bag with sweets, picked up some take-out fried chicken for dinner, and was now crawling into bed with  _Dr. Who_  in the DVD player. There are some days, he thought, when you just want to be thirteen again. And that is okay.

"Hey Roo."

That old familiar voice, so very warm and safe, finally let him fall over the edge. "JJ's gone."

"What?"

"JJ's gone, Kanga. Strauss made her transfer to State."

"Oh, Roo, I'm sorry. Did they give her a chance to say good-bye?"

"Only just, they told her at the end of the day that she has to report to her new job tomorrow." He sniffed, just a little. "I hate it when people leave."

"I know you do Roo, but it doesn't sound like she went that far."

"Still." It hurt. It was change and loss and pain in a place that already hurt a lot.

"So what are you going to do?"

He managed a bit of a smile. "Comfort myself tonight and go in again tomorrow. I promised Gideon that I wouldn't miss another plane, I'm not going to let this stop me." He sighed. "I'm just going to miss her Kanga."

"I know, sweetheart. I know."

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**Elizabeth Prentiss' home**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Lauren"**

After the funeral they all sat and looked at each other, stunned. This simply was not possible, not at all. Emily could not be dead.

Morgan looked around at the knot of people who had gathered in the back of the dining room. Rossi was practically supporting a still stunned Seaver. He had his baby girl practically in his arms; she hadn't wanted to be apart from him now. And JJ and Hotch were sticking together like glue, holding up strong, the both of them. His head turned as Reid spoke up, "I'm going home for a few days."

Uh oh.

"Home?" Seaver asked.

"To Vegas," he specified. "I'll be back on Tuesday."

Today was Thursday, that wasn't so bad except he was already gathering his things to go. Everybody had been holding up everybody, but who had been holding up Reid?

He was about to tell him to stop, to let him go with him, to something, anything. But then Garcia sobbed and he was pulled into the circle again.

* * *

**Willow Wood Ranch**   
**Kyle Canyon**   
**Clark County, NV**

It was late by the time he finally arrived at the ranch. It was always so quiet in the desert at night, you could hear for miles and miles. The only lights on were in the kitchen and Kate's office, but even that had been a beacon for him for the past mile.

He parked beside the house, slowly got out, feeling the weight of all that loss, that grief, and carried it up the porch steps to the familiar kitchen door. As he walked to it the door opened and there was his Kanga, as stable and familiar as he remembered, right down to the calico apron. Wordlessly she opened her arms and drew him in.

And now, finally, he could cry.

"She just left, Kanga. She left her badge and her gun and she didn't even leave a note. She just left and now there's no hope at all. I didn't even get to say good-bye."

Kate held him until the initial storm had past, then she pulled him in to the only refuge he had ever known, where it was always safe enough to grieve.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**   
**"It Takes a Village"/"Proof"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

A moment later, "Hey, Roo."

"Hey Kate. You're not going to believe this." Spencer held up his phone, snapped a picture of Emily, and hit send."

A moment later, "Um, Roo, isn't that your friend Emily?"

"Yes, yes it is."

"Isn't she dead?"

"That's what I thought too." He was trying very hard to bank his anger, to bury it low and deep so that it wouldn't get in the way of the case, but if anyone could hear it he knew Kate would. "They lied Kanga. They lied to us all."

* * *

"So, what did the committee say?"

Spencer leaned against the bathroom wall. Not the best place to hold a conversation, but it was private. "We're reinstated. We're all off suspension. I'd like to think my standing up to the Senator had something to do with it. I guess I still get irritated when they don't call me Doctor. It's a respect issue. Thank you for the vest by the way." It was complicated and colorful and felt like he was wearing her support wrapped around him in every stitch.

"So what are you going to do now?' Kate asked.

"Back to work."

There was a pause on the other end. "You don't sound right, Roo."

And she was the only one who noticed, even now. "I'm not. But if I talk about it now I'll…pop my cork and this is not the time."

"All right, sweetheart, fair enough. But if you want to talk you know you can call."

Always, he thought, always. "Thank you. I love you Kanga."

"I love you too, Roo."

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**Spencer Reid's apartment**   
**Washington DC**   
**"Proof"**

"Willow Wood Ranch."

"May I speak to Kate please?"

"Hold on a moment."

A moment later, "Hey, Roo."

"Hey, Kanga," Spencer paced back and forth around his apartment, trying to drive off the energy, no the anger, that was very nearly about to pop. Not that he thought that popping was a bad idea, but he was hoping for at least a controlled explosion. And he was hoping that Kate could help with that. "I'm sorry I haven't had much time to call lately."

"That's all right, dear, I know work comes first and all. You still don't sound right."

"I'm not. They lied, Kanga. They up and lied to me. And I thought I knew why they did it and I was wrong and now I'm just…I'm so damned angry with them right now."

She was quiet a long moment. "Talk to me, Roo."

"I spent nearly every night from the time I left the Ranch until the day Emily arrived at the BAU on JJ's couch, mourning. I admit it; I was still…bawling my eyes out just like I was with you, every dammed night. And you know why I was there instead of crying my eyes out in private? Because I wanted to get high, I wanted to make the pain of losing someone else go away. And I figured that if I stayed there I wouldn't because there is no way in hell that I would ever do that in front of Henry. Ever."

"All right," she said, carefully.

"Then I found out they'd lied. JJ knew the entire time that Emily was alive. The entire time I was sitting there sobbing she knew. But if Emily was in Witness Protection then they couldn't tell me, right? I'm too much of an interrogation risk now. All Doyle would have to do was shoot me up, get me hooked again and within twelve hours I would give up anything just to make the withdrawal pains stop. So I figured they did what they had to do and I had no one to blame but myself."

"Roo…"

"Only that didn't figure into it at all. See, I found out that JJ was in contact with Emily the entire time. Today Emily had the nerve to tell me that she lost six friends to my one that day. Only then later she said she would meet JJ online for Scrabble again at some point, and I remembered that JJ had been playing online the entire time. Emily didn't lose anyone, she wasn't in real Witness Protection, and she didn't cut all ties. And then I found out that they forgot that I had ever had a problem! It never even crossed JJ's mind! She didn't even have the excuse of protecting Emily from my failure because she wasn't protecting Emily at all and she forgot that I failed! So why did they leave me miserable? Why did they put me and Morgan and Garcia and Rossi through all that hell?"

"I don't know, Roo." Kate said calmly after a long pause. "I really don't."

"So what do I do now, Kanga? What do I do?"

"Do you want to leave the team?"

Spencer stopped. Yelling into the phone, spelling out the situation and his feelings, had the cathartic effect he had been hoping for. A rather controlled popping of his cork that helped clear the emotions so he could think. "I don't…I don't…"

"Let me ask you something. Where was Will in all this?"

Well that question came out of left field. "What?"

"While you were on JJ's couch, crying on her shoulder every night, where was Will?"

"Um, he was there…."

And how was he acting, Dr. Reid? Think back."

Spencer mentally reviewed Will's behavior, his body language and word choices over the summer, how they had changed. "All right at first, but he grew progressively more annoyed over time."

"Mmm-hmm, based on his behavior and hers, could he have been masking his feelings with courtesy while perhaps expressing them honestly to JJ in private?"

Spencer reviewed again, remembering all the looks, the murmured comments in corners, the rising tension. "I obviously can't answer that with any certainty, but that is definitely possible. Although I don't know why, it's not like we were…."

"Having an affair? It depends on how you define 'affair', for one. Now I'm not saying you were, I know you better than that, and I doubt she was either. But what would matter in the case was Will's take, and most men do not take kindly to another man soaking up all of their woman's time and emotional energy."

"But then why didn't JJ say anything?"

"Well that is the question, isn't it? Obviously it wasn't because she was concerned that you might relapse, or be at greater risk for interrogation because she completely forgot about your problem. And I doubt she was using you to get to Will, from what you've told me about her over the years she's not the manipulative type. So what is the other option, Dr. Reid?"

He was quiet a long moment. "She didn't say anything because…at that time my feelings mattered more than Will's."

"Mmm-hmm, now I'm not saying that was the best way to handle the matter, and I'm not saying that mistakes weren't made. But from here it looks like she risked her relationship with the father of her child to see you through a difficult, needful situation. So, given that variable, what do you plan to do now, Roo?"

Funny, he didn't have to think long at all. "I'm going to go change and go over to Rossi's. He's teaching us to make Pasta Carbonara tonight. If I leave in ten minutes I'll only be five minutes late."

Kate laughed. "Send me the recipe Roo."

"I will Kanga. Oh, and thank you."

"Anytime Roo, anytime."

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**Somewhere outside Washington DC**

Derek Morgan growled as someone pulled the bag off his head. The goons who had him had thrown a chain over one of the rafters of the room they were in and now he was dangling with his toes barely touching the floor. His only excuse was that there were four goons that jumped him outside the club, and they were all huge. Really huge. Massive. And solid too. That was his story and he was sticking with that. Now he blinked in the harsh light of a camping lantern and tried to get his bearings.

He had tried to talk to the goons when they had him in the van, but all that had gotten him was a series of well-placed kicks. And besides, after a few moments he had realized that at best the driver spoke limited English, the others none. So he bided his time, waited, and tried to think of when he had personally pissed off the Russian mob. None that he could think of so what the hell?

The man who walked in was tall and solid as a man got in prison when he wanted to remain on top. His brown hair was buzzed short, and his light eyes were cold and calculating. He was older, but that had only added to his presence. His suit, watch, and shoes said money, and lots of it. If anything Morgan was well reminded of Ian Doyle, right down to the look of cold, twisted rage in his eyes. "Okay, look, I don't know who you are but I'm an FBI agent…." He was cut off by a face full of gin.

"I know who you are Agent Morgan." The man said in a cultured Slavic accent. "Agent Derek Morgan of the BAU. Derek Morgan who runs five miles every morning and does a thousand sit-ups at his gym and who has a mother and two sisters in Chicago. I know who you are." He accepted a replacement drink. "Did he not tell you about me, hm? Did he not tell you about Stas? For that I will punish him as he has not been punished before."

"Who? Punish who?"

Stas didn't answer. "I know what my informants tell me. I understand. I profiled, yes? And so I know you have taken what is rightfully mine." He took a knife off the table, bigger than Morgan wanted to see, tipped it under the hem of his shirt, and slowly began to cut upward. "And that is something between us as men."

It wasn't long before Morgan started screaming.

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**BAU Headquarters  
Quantico, VA**

"So how was your date last night?" Garcia asked.

"Painful." Emily replied. "I should have stayed home with my cat."

They were slowly gathering around the coffee pot. Spencer was filling his third tankard of the day. He looked around the office, JJ was dropping her bags, Emily and Garcia were here, Hotch was in his office on the phone, and Rossi was looking over some paperwork... "Where's Morgan?"

Emily looked around as well. "He's not in yet?"

Just then Hotch hung up and strode out of his office, more angry than they had seen him since the Reaper. "Everyone. Conference room. Now."

Moments later they were in the round table room, with Hotch already calling something up on the screen. "Morgan's been attacked." Everyone froze in shock. "He's missing."

"Oh my God!" Garcia was the first to start to lose it, but JJ reached over a comforting hand and kept her from falling apart.

"DC Metro identified his car in the parking lot of a club over on Columbia Road. The staff reported it this morning. They found his badge and weapon on the driver's seat."

"Yeah, he loves that place." Garcia fluttered.

A picture came up on the screen. It was Morgan's car all right. But there was something scrawled on the windshield in…. Spencer swallowed something sour in the back of his throat.

"Oh my God, that's not blood, that's not…"

"Garcia," Hotch said quietly. "They believe it's some kind of marker. Prentiss, translation?"

"Return to me, my angel. Remember our rules." Emily translated, and then shook her head as they all looked at her. "Don't look at me; I never had anything to do with the Russians."

From a distance Spencer heard himself talking. "Garcia, call Las Vegas PD, Captain Jim Brass, he was the original officer on the case. Tell him we need the Lebedev file, including the disallowed evidence and Gideon's profile. We should have ViCAP on him as well. Stanislav Ilyich Lebedev, aka Stas. I'll be right back." He turned and was leaving the conference room as quickly as he came in. He hit the bullpen at a dead run, but still just barely made it to the restroom before he was returning breakfast, coffee and perhaps everything he'd eaten that week to the world.

When he came out of the stall Rossi was standing there, calm, solid Rossi looking as unruffled as ever. And there was a bottle of mouthwash on the counter, which he accepted with a grateful nod. While he went to the counter Rossi spoke. "Morgan told me what happened, after the Nichols' case."

Spencer froze. He looked at Rossi in the mirror as the last of his world fell down around him.

"I'm good at what I do, you know, so I have a pretty good idea of what's going to be in that file. By now Garcia is crying on top of being worried and JJ and Emily aren't far behind. I can keep them focused, but I'm going to need some help with Aaron. He's going to want to know why you never said anything."

"Stas was supposed to have ten more years in Ely State Prison." Spencer said at last, and quietly. "I hoped by then I'd look too old." He looked down at nothing a moment. "That's not true." He admitted. "I was going to tell you both, back when we were closing the Gary Michaels case. But it never seemed like the right time."

"Well, it is now." Rossi sighed. "All right, go wait in my office."

"No." What. The. Hell. "Rossi, I need…"

"No. What we need to do right now is focus on stopping this guy and saving Morgan. You are a victim and a witness in this one Dr. Reid, not a profiler. You're all right now, we don't need everyone up there fretting over what happened to you fifteen years ago and we don't need your feelings on the matter getting into the profile. Go to my office and go back over what you know about this Stas. If we have gaps in the file we'll come to you. The best thing you can do right now is let us focus."

Spencer sighed. Rossi was right. "You know, it was only supposed to be one night. One night." Something he had told himself for years, decades now.

"I know. Kids make mistakes. Now go put that brain to work. Don't worry, we'll get him home."

* * *

They didn't have to come to him to ask him anything. He knew they wouldn't, Jim was good at his job, LVPD was very thorough and good with the details, and Gideon had done the profile. Everything they needed was right there. However at one point Emily did stick her head in. "Hey, Rossi told me to tell you that this Stas guy walked away from a work-detail ten days ago. It looks like the notification got stuck on someone's desk somewhere. Captain Brass also said that he was calling Doctor Norman and had sent a unit out to Bennington and to the Ranch? Does that mean anything to you?"

"It does. He's protecting potential targets, Mom and an old friend." Spencer was afraid to even look at her now. But this was Emily, who perhaps more than anyone knew what it meant to have your past come back to haunt you."

"Well, that's good. Garcia is tearing that file up as we speak, there's a ton there to work with." She was quiet a moment. "Look, I know you probably don't want to talk about it…."

"Not until we get Morgan back. I'll…I'll explain everything once he's safe."

"All right," she sighed. "Can I hug you? This is going to sound strange but I need to make sure you're here."

"It doesn't sound strange." A moment later he was holding her very tight.

It helped them both.

* * *

Sometime later he looked up from the file he was not reading and realized that the team was gone. There was one person, he knew, who would tell him what was going on. He headed down to a particular lair and knocked. "Yes?" Said the fragile voice from within.

He let himself in, carefully closed the door behind him and approached the altar of the Oracle of Quantico. "Garcia, I am so sorry…"

"Oh God, don't! No, don't be sorry! You were just a baby! No, come here." Next thing he knew he was being hugged again, something softer and wilder. "They're going to go get him. They know where he is and they're going to go get him and they're going to lock that monster up and put him away and he's not going to hurt you or Morgan or anyone else ever again."

"Good." Wait… "Wait, they know where he is?"

"Mmm-hmmm, and it's all thanks to you. I was able to trace one of the aliases you gave Captain Brass to a credit card that was used at this club in Baltimore, of all places. Local PD says that it's very popular with the Russian mob."

Spencer was frowning. "But that doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't? The file said he…did a lot of stuff at his club in Vegas."

"Yes, I know." A million memories he didn't want to look at stormed through his head. "But he owned that place, he had private rooms there. No, Stas was a gun runner, a business man; he wasn't actually a member of the Russian mob."

"But he does business with them."

"That's not the same thing. But it is why he wouldn't go to the mob with this, he's trying to call me out and if they saw him with a petukh he'd lose all credibility." No, that didn't make sense at all.

She just blinked at him, suddenly angry. "Okay, I don't care what your juvie record said you were not a...a..."

"Prostitute? I know, Garcia. After five years of therapy while I was in college I'm know. I'm okay. But the Russian mob would disagree." Which was why going to a club didn't make any sense. "Rules, remember our rules." It was all coming back, every word, every nuance. "How hard is it to find out is someone owns property?"

"Not that hard, do a title search online. That information isn't usually all that secure. Why?"

"Remember our rules. You come play at my house or I go play at yours." But he was living at his parent's house then, so… Spencer headed out at a dead run. "Call everyone and send back up, including medical."

"Where?"

"Gideon's cabin!"

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

**Gideon's Cabin  
Rural Virginia**

There was no good way to sneak up on the cabin; Gideon had designed it that way. All Spencer could do was kill his lights and kill the motor and coast up to the door, hoping to get at least a few moments to see what he could. There was a van there, and a car, which probably meant that he was in the right spot. He hit speed dial and speaker and spoke as he looked around. "Garcia, they're here. At least someone's here; I think I found them."

"Okay, just hold tight." Garcia replied out of thin air. "Back-up is less than ten minutes out."

Just then a howling cry of pain ripped through the silent woods. "I can't wait." He told Garcia as a pattern came together in his mind. "Tell them I'm going in. Tell them to come in quietly, no lights or sirens,"

"Reid, no wait…"

He cut her off and slid out of the seat, gun at the ready. As he expected he got not more than a few steps to the door when two goons stepped forward, each better armed than he was. They all froze and looked at each other. Then Spencer called out, "Stas?"

A moment's pause, then a familiar voice that caused his stomach to knot called out in Russian _. Take his gun but do not touch him!_

Bingo.

Spencer gave up the gun, and then with his hands in plain sight he slowly made his way into the bedroom. There was Stas, disheveled, his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up, as if he had been working rather hard at his trade. Morgan was nothing more than a darkness in the shadows on the floor, surrounded by the darkness of blood and other things that leant a tang to the air. But he was breathing. Not easily, but breathing. He turned his attention to the man standing there. "Leave him alone Stas. This is between us."

Stas looked at him like he had in the past, hungry, longing, almost worshipful. "Ahren moy," he breathed at last. "You haven't changed."

"Yes I have." Spencer replied. "I'm thirty, Stas. I'm too old for you. And I'm a Federal Agent now, so is Morgan. Do you have any idea how stupid this was?"

Utterly ignoring the younger man's words, as if he hadn't even heard them, he came over and ran his hands through Spencer's hair, down the edge of his jaw, a lover's caress. Spencer violently pulled away, stepping back around the room to the low dresser. "You haven't changed." Stas repeated. "I don't like the hair, but it will grow again." He moved to the nightstand and poured himself a drink. "I told you once; I punish all men who touch you."

"Never happened, your intelligence was wrong, we're both straight."

"And you break the rules." He continued again as if he hadn't heard. "I tell you not to go to the police and you go to the police." With that he kicked Morgan viciously, causing his target to groan. "Not only that you  _become_  the police." Another kick. "You have not yet made your obeisance." Another. "You are overdressed." Another. "Now you see what I must do?" Another.

"All right! All right! Stop, please!" Spencer started pulling off his clothing, starting with his vest. "This changes nothing, Stas." He told the older man coldly as he yanked at his tie, removing it. "Compelling me to obedience by harming the people I love doesn't make me yours, not the way you've always wanted."

"You  _are_  mine." Stas insisted.

"Reid, don't do it." Morgan gasped out.

"No, I'm not." Spencer undid his cuffs, pulled his shirt out, and started opening the buttons.

"You are  _mine_." Stas repeated.

"Reid, don't." Morgan managed again.

"No, I'm not." Spencer replied as he undid his belt. He heard the sound of engines approaching. Now. It was time. Now. "I even had your mark removed years ago."

A look of confusion and rage came over Stas's face. He ran over to Spencer, tearing at his pants to get them open. Spencer had leaned back against the solid, low dresser when the older man got too close, that got him leverage. He planted his right foot in Stas' chest and kicked him away, even as he was scrabbling at something on his ankle….

* * *

Just as SWAT got them in the door the team heard the sound of a gunshot.

"Federal agents!" Hotch cried out, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Another shot went off.

They stormed into the bedroom just in time to see Stas fall to the bed, a bright hole in his chest. Morgan was on the floor, trying to get to his feet, staring at his friend.

Spencer was slumped against the dresser, shirt open, pants hanging off his hips, Hotch's .38 backup in his hand. But none of that mattered. What mattered was the shocked look on his face, how he was suddenly so very pale, and how the blood from the hole in his side was so bright against his skin.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**Washington Medical Center  
Washington DC**

They waited. They paced. They drank way too much truly bad coffee. But after what only seemed a thousand years, the doctor and a nurse came to the private waiting room, "Agents Reid and Morgan?"

The team gathered around. "I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner; I have their medical powers of attorney. We're…family. How are they?"

"They are going to be fine. As far as Dr Reid goes he's out of surgery. We had to remove part of one rib, it was shattered by the bullet which also nicked a vertebra, but there was no damage to the spinal column or any major organs. He should be just fine and back at work in six to eight weeks, as should Agent Morgan." The doctor consulted his chart than looked at Hotch. "May I speak to you a moment, privately?"

"Certainly." They moved off.

The entire team sighed as they all digested the news. Reid was going to be okay. "When can we see them?" Rossi asked the nurse

"Dr. Reid is in recovery. It's going to take a little longer to get him settled without narcotics but as soon as he's in his room I'll let you know. We're moving Agent Morgan to his room now; it should only be a few moments."

"Thank you."

They all went back to settle, happier but not fully, not until one of them could actually see their friends, talk to them, talk to him. But it was better, still. "So who was this guy anyway?" Emily asked.

"I've been reading the file Captain Brass sent over." Rossi said. "Gideon did the profile. It appears that Lebedev – Stas – was a hebephile, a combination of both organized types."

"Hebephile?" Garcia asked.

"The term 'pedophile' is used to cover offenders who prefer sex with those under the age of majority, 18 in this country. In reality that group can be broken down into three distinct sub-groups." Rossi replied, "The true pedophilia prefers pre-pubescent victims, a hebephile prefers early puberty, roughly 11-14 in males and an ephebophile prefers late puberty, 15-18."

Emily jumped in. "Pedophiles as a whole can be broken down into two main groups, the situational offender who will go after any helpless group and who prefers children but who will go after the mentally ill or elderly if stressed and children aren't available, and the preferential offender who will only prey on a specific sex, age range, and look. Situational offenders can further be broken down into three types; regressed, who will have sex with adults when the situation is right but who prefers children due to his own insecurity with his ability with women, the indiscriminate who takes primary pleasure in the seduction process, and the immature who is mentally or emotionally on the same level as his victims. The organized offender type can be broken down into two sub types; the fixated type who goes after one specific victim and will stalk and obsess until the victim ages out of the preferred age range, and the sadist who enjoys inflicting pain and abuse on his victims."

JJ took a turn. "True pedophiles and ephebophiles tend to be situational offenders, they run 11 to 1 heterosexual and are either truly attracted to children or in the case of ephebophiles would be attracted to adults but for one reason or another are incapable of having a mature relationship. And it doesn't help that our culture encourages the sexualization of girls in that age range. Hebephiles, conversely, tend much further toward homosexuals and tend to be one of the organized types. Either they have a very specific type they want and they find him, woo him and obsess over him or else they just like to abuse and get off on the pain the inflict, in which case any boy will do."

"Granted these aren't hard and fast rules." Emily pointed out. "There are exceptions. But I've never heard of a fixated-sadistic hebephile before."

"They're rare." Rossi agreed. "I've only heard of maybe four or five, including this one. In these notes Gideon has identified all of twenty-four in a…forty year period."

"So, what makes them different?" Garcia asked.

"A fixated-sadistic hebephile looks less for a specific boy to fit his fantasy and more for a specific type of boy. There's this phase that some boys go through early in puberty, they start picking up their adult height and bone structure, but not weight or really any secondary sex characteristics."

"Oh, yeah," Emily nodded. She met Garcia's curious look. "Oh, come on, every junior high has one. When everyone else has gone dumpy and klutzy and hormonal he's tall and slender and his skin is perfect and he has those long eyelashes that every girl envies and he's just so….pretty. He's pretty and all the girls just fall in love with him. But he hasn't quite grown up enough yet to understand the attention, and about the time he does he starts growing out that pretty stage. Oh, I remember mine, Damon Ross. God, he was gorgeous."

"Mmm," JJ agreed. "Paul Kent. He was just dreamy. Or, you know, think boy band."

"Ohhh, right, now I get it. Steward Hunt. I remember him."

"The ancient Greeks considered boys at that age to have the purest, most prized type of beauty." Hotch added as he rejoined the group. "And as I recall one of the reasons behind the development of the castrati was to preserve that beauty, to keep young men from growing beyond it."

Rossi nodded. "A fixated-sadistic hebephile isn't looking for a specific race or face or hair and eye color combination; they're looking for any boy who's that kind of pretty. They will lock on to anyone who crosses their path. And they get off on slowly corrupting and destroying it, physically, mentally and emotionally." He touched something on his pad. "Gideon made a note on here, a reference to Vatis, the demon that corrupted and destroyed the angels."

"Okay, but why would he follow Reid now?" Garcia asked. "I mean, he's not a kid anymore."

"Genetics. Unfortunately some guys grow up and just stay pretty." Rossi showed them a photo that had been in the profile.

Five boys stood on a covered porch in what was obviously the desert, all tall and slender, all as wary and watchful as and as graceful as deer. And one of them looked very, very familiar. "God," Garcia breathed. "He really hasn't. I mean you can tell that he's taller and older, but not all that much, and really, only in the past few years. I mean six, seven years ago he looked exactly the same."

"He matured, but he never changed enough to break Lebedev's obsession." JJ said. "I'd like to know how he managed to cross Lebedev to begin with though."

"I'd like to know where this picture was taken." Rossi said. "When you're starting with such a small victim pool it's rare that you get this many concentrated in one place."

"I think we can answer that," said a voice by the door.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**Washington Medical Center  
Washington DC**

The team looked up at the couple that had come in. The man who had spoken didn't need the badge on his belt to tell them that he was a cop. He was short and stocky, had a thick face and a nose that had been broken more than once. Was old enough to go grey and still wore it close cropped. All that packaged in a bad suit, a spotted tie and old uniform oxfords.

The woman on his arm was the one who caught their attention. She was leaning heavily on her cane and on his arm, wore wrinkles in her fine pale skin from much laughter and many tears, and the braid down her back was more silver than copper yet the blue eyes behind her steel rimmed glasses were merry and wise and were still very young. But it was her dress that caught them; she wore a severe, black dress with sleeves that went almost to her wrists, wide, white cuffs, a skirt that went almost to her ankles, and a wide, angled collar. And over her hair she had pinned a black veil with a white trim.

Hotch was the first to stand and greet them. "I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner. I believe we spoke on the phone." He said as he offered his hand.

They accepted, of course. "I'm Captain Jim Brass, Las Vegas police; this is Sister Katherine Beckett from the Sisters of Our Lady of Victory."

"I've heard so much about you Agent Hotchner." She said in a clear, musical voice as they shook hands. "Please, call me Kate, everyone does. Now let me guess; Rossi, Emily, JJ, and Garcia. Did I get them all right?"

Hotch nodded. "Yes, but I'm afraid…."

"He never did tell you, did he? I'm Spencer's foster-mother."

For a moment they all just stared.

"Have you heard anything?" She asked, her concern clear.

"The doctor has already come out to talk to us." Hotch said as he helped her to a seat. "He's out of surgery and they expect a full recovery."

"Oh, thank heaven. Don't tell Spencer I prayed all the way here, he'll be arguing with me about the existence of God for the next month." She settled into one of the chairs with a relieved sigh. "Oh, I need to have that replaced one of these days."

"Foster-mother." JJ repeated as they settled back down. "I didn't even know Spence had been in foster care."

"Well, it's not something that comes out in polite conversation. I know he's been meaning to tell you all for quite some time now but it just never seemed to happen. And now that Stas has come back…where is he by the way."

"Reid shot him. He's dead." Hotch said.

"Good." Brass replied as he settled. "About time."

"Mmm-hmm." Kate agreed. "Anyway, it was only for about eight months or so, the fall and winter after he graduated high school but before he started at CalTech. But we've remained friends ever since."

"So, how did all of this happen?" Emily asked. "I mean, how did Reid end up the victim of a hebephile and end up in foster-care?

"It all goes back to William." Kate began. "I know we all have a better idea of why he left, but it was still criminally irresponsible of him. When he left Diana was still managing to work and with that had health insurance, but within three months she had deteriorated to the point where she could barely leave the house. She lost her job. With her condition she was unable to even follow through with the COBRA paperwork to keep her insurance and Spencer was ten, he had no clue. William did leave them a nest egg but between the day-to-day expenses and Diana's medication, that only lasted a year. That was the first step down the ladder."

"Yes, but with his intelligence I don't see how he couldn't have come up with a better solution." Emily said.

"You're making a classic blunder." Kate told her. "You're equating intelligence with maturity. We're talking about an eleven year old boy here, not the man you know today. If anything his intelligence was a burden at that point, not an aid."

"How so?" JJ asked.

"Well, for one thing it landed him in high school well before he had the maturity to handle the social interaction. He should have been tutored academically to reach his potential while being allowed and encouraged to socialize with his same-age peer group. But Diana wasn't capable of that level of understanding at that time; all she could see was that he was out-performing everyone. And for all that our consumer society encourages the worst bestial behavior young boys of that age can be amazingly romantic if given half a chance, that's the age where honor and chivalry and all those excesses of emotion start coming out. So when the children in his school started bullying him, and there were some frightful incidents, he became convinced that there was something inherently wrong with him, that he was incapable of having a relationship, that he was doomed to be alone."

"Oh god, I remember those days." Rossi muttered.

"I'll say." Emily agreed.

Kate laughed. "Oh, everyone goes through some variation of that. Most of us survive because of our peers, we may think we're doomed to never find love but friends are always there for us. But with a six year age gap between him and his fellow students he didn't have that support. And Diana, bless her heart, wasn't all that supportive either. Hearing that other children are Neanderthals and beneath you isn't exactly the best message."

"So any self-esteem and self-confidence he had was shot." Emily said. "Step two."

"And the final step was also triggered by his intelligence and loneliness. Remember this was back in, oh, 1992? Back then most internet connections were dial-ups, not that hard for an intelligent boy to hack."

The entire group groaned. "And back then most people didn't understand the problems with on-line predators." JJ said. "That's how Stas got to him. God, that's probably why he hates computers so much now."

Kate nodded. "That and he insists that paper is faster for him. He'd been chatting in the evenings after Diana went to bed, just for the social interaction. His age didn't matter as much on line, or so he though. It wasn't until years later that he understood what kind of monsters he was chatting with. Then one night he realized that he didn't have the money to pick up Diana's medication the next day, there wasn't enough in the account. He didn't know what to do. And then one of his on-line friends said he would give him the cash, for just one night."

"He had to know what he was getting into." Emily insisted.

"Oh, he had an idea. But remember, the kids at school had convinced him that he would never have a normal relationship, and that his Mother was the only one who would ever truly understand him and care about him. So why not throw…that…away to help her? I think he convinced himself that it was a grand and noble sacrifice. Which sounds silly to us now, but to a boy that age…"

"It would." Rossi agreed.

"I don't know all the details, and if I did they wouldn't be mine to share, but he was able to get her meds the next day. It he was any other boy that might have ended it."

"But he fit the victimology too well." Hotch murmured.

"That night he was making Diana some soup and the phone rang. There was a car waiting outside."

"You play with me or I play with someone you care about." Rossi said.

Kate nodded. "Specifically he threatened to send his goons in after Diana. But if Spencer went to the police Diana would have been involuntarily committed. And we didn't have a state psychiatric facility at the time, she would have been sent out of state. He wouldn't have been able to see her for years, assuming she even survived."

"Oh god." Garcia breathed. "There was no way out."

"No. The next two years were hell, bullied at school during the day, Diana's deteriorating condition at night, and Stas calling for him at least three or four times a month. At that point his mind was the only thing keeping him going, it was his only refuge. Thankfully it made him very resilient and he was able to survive."

"So how did it end?" Emily asked.

Brass spoke up. "I busted him."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**Washington Medical Center  
Washington DC**

They all looked at Brass, shocked. Then Emily spoke up. "Wait, how did that happen?"

"Well, I'd only been in Vegas a couple of years at that point. I was working vice…" Brass began

"In Vegas?" Emily asked.

"We have some rules. We had some guy preying on the local working girls, landing them in the hospital, so we set up a sting. I was working two-man back up for one of our female officers on the street one night, and now I look like a cop, okay, undercover only goes so far. Everyone else on the street is giving me a half a block clearance, and then out of nowhere this tall, skinny kid comes up to me and, well, you can guess what he offers." Brass chuckled. "Intelligence doesn't equal street smarts either, I asked him later if he came up to me just in the hopes that I could get him away from Stas. Nope. He really didn't have a clue."

"Oh yeah, that's Reid." Emily agreed.

"Yeah, but why was he even on the street?" JJ asked.

"It was Stas' idea." Kate said. "Spencer never told me why, other than that it was some kind of punishment. Apparently Stas was usually quite jealous and wouldn't let anyone else touch him. But then he'd been paying him right along anyway."

"Which made him complicit in the crime," Rossi pointed out. "He probably accepted it to keep the house running, and provide home health care for Diana when Stas wanted him for more than a night."

"And added to the humiliation factor," Hotch agreed. They all shuddered for a moment when they considered that.

Brass nodded. "To this day I still don't know why…"

"Divine intervention," Kate interrupted.

"…still don't know why I decided to take him downtown myself rather than hand him off to another unit. But by the time I got from where we were to the office I already knew that this wasn't your usual kid in trouble. Does he still run at the mouth like that?" They all nodded. "So we get in there and he asks if he can make a deal. I ask him what he has and he gives up Stas."

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked.

"Well, Stas didn't realize that he had been studying Russian before they even hooked up, or that he had that, what do you call it, eidetic memory. So Stas had no problem doing business right in front of him, even opening up his computer where Spencer could see."

They all chuckled. "Oh noooo…" JJ giggled.

"Oh yes. Passwords, buyers, suppliers, bank accounts, routing numbers, shipping intel, informants, you name it, that kid had it memorized. Within thirty minutes I had Stas' entire organization laid out over my desk, ripe for the picking. And all he asked in exchange was that I not send Diana away. Do whatever I wanted with him but please don't commit my mother."

"Oh, ouch," Emily sighed. "So what did you do?"

"Well I asked around the department, the guys I knew weren't in anyone's pocket, and they pointed me to the Sisters."

"Our Order was founded in 1922 with the sole purpose of providing Christian charity and what we now call social services in the southwest. We've always provided shelter for abused women and prostitutes trying to leave the life, and for abused children. It's always been a problem down there, ever since Vegas really took off in the 1940's."

"What happens in Vegas…" JJ murmured.

"And at the time we had an undersheriff who was in everyone's pocket." Jim grumbled. "That didn't help."

Kate nodded. "But in the 1970's we started noticing a new and growing problem, what Jason called the fixated-sadistic hebephiles and their victims. None of our normal solutions worked for those poor boys. If we sent them back to their families they would be kicked back onto the street out of homophobic fears and the offender would take them back. If we sent them to a foster care setting the offender would hunt them down and threaten the family until they sent the boy away. Group homes wouldn't take them because they carried and acted out such anger and fear and because of the danger from the offender to the other children. And no therapist could truly handle the tales they would tell, they were so extreme. The suicide rate among the victims topped 80% by the age of 18. Finally we realized that what was needed was a shelter, someplace out in the desert, off the grid, where the offenders couldn't find them, and where they could be with people who understood and wouldn't recoil from the horrors in their lives. A safe place where they could hide and heal until they had grown out of the offender's preferred age range."

"Willow Wood Ranch," Garcia nodded. "That's why we couldn't find it."

"If you could someone like Stas could. It's never been a big place, we have ten beds at most, but we take boys from all over the western US, only victims from that particular kind of offender."

"Is it still in use?" Emily asked.

"Oh yes, it's been in continuous use since the early '80's. I have four boys in residence right now. I've been the administrator there since 1987. But our Order provides other community services as well, so when Jim here contacted the Order we were able to put a plan of action together in just a few hours."

"I sent a team out to pick up Stas and pulled some strings to be sure he'd get in front of a judge who wouldn't give him bail. Turned out that Spencer had made up a friend named Tommy, he used to tell Diana that 'Tommy's Dad' was taking them fishing whenever Stas wanted him for the week-end, and he would hire a home health aide to look after her. So we went to her house and I told her I was Tommy's Dad and we were going fishing. Only that time the home health aides were Sisters from the Order, psychiatric nurses who also knew to keep a look out for intruders. And I parked a unit across the street. Then I drove Spencer out to the Ranch for safekeeping."

"Now this was in July as I recall. He stayed with us until the following March when the spring term started at CalTech, then he moved into the dorms and went under the care of one of the Professors and a social worker. And you know how he thrived once he got there."

"And what happened with Stas?" Hotch asked.

"Well, the judge threw most of the case out. He thought we got all that evidence without a warrant, he simply could not believe that a kid could remember that much." Jim sighed. "But we were able to make the abuse and assault charges stick. He got five years, was out in four. Then he came right after Spencer again."

"He was seventeen then." Kate took over. "One of the Sisters in our order had been acting as Diana's guardian while he was away at school, but when he turned eighteen it was going to become his responsibility again. She had deteriorated even further; her doctors were recommending residential treatment. I had Spencer come back for her care conference so he would be familiar with the issues when the time came for him to take over, he was old enough by then. We were going to have that meeting and then meet with Jim here and Jason. Jason had been interviewing us for some kind of questionnaire…"

"ViCAP. It was in the file." Rossi said.

"That's how he met Spencer and started grooming him for the BAU. Anyway, someone tipped Stas off as to the meeting. We all ended up in a shoot-out in the parking lot."

"Assaulting a cop and a Federal Officer at the same time. Nice." Emily said. "You're lucky no one got shot."

Kate laughed. "No, we're lucky I never managed to get any weight on that boy." She patted her bad hip gently.

"Wait. You put yourself between Spence and the shooter?" JJ asked, shocked.

"Well someone had to."

"Yeah, the original Mama Bear," Jim chuckled. "Never get between Kate and her boys, ever."

"What I don't understand is, who paid for it all?" Rossi asked.

"William." Kate replied. "He wasn't that hard to track down. I told him he could, either deal with me and start living up to his responsibilities, or he could deal with Jim and be charged with neglect and abandonment. Then he would lose his license to practice law and have to confront the family he was too cowardly to face. So he stuck a crowbar in his wallet and started covering Diana's medical and living expenses again, as well as Spencer's tuition. Well, what his scholarships didn't cover." She chuckled. "As you might guess we're not each other's favorite people."

"Brava." Rossi said, laughing himself.

"Anyway six months after that Spencer took over as his mother's guardian and he and Doctor Norman decided she really did need residential care. So she went into Bennington and Spencer followed Jason out here to work as his assistant until he could formally join the BAU. And the rest you know."

"And you two have stayed in touch all this time?" Emily asked.

"Of course, I'm always there for my boys. In many cases I'm the only safe adult who stuck with them through the recovery process. It takes a long time to get over that sort of thing. Spencer was always special, though. Not just his intelligence, he always had the biggest heart, and somehow he managed to stay so innocent through the entire ordeal. I can only attribute that to Divine intervention as well."

"I want to know how Reid knew to go to the cabin and not the club." Rossi mused out loud.

"I don't know." Garcia said. "He said something about Stas not wanting the Mob to to know that he associated with a petukh?"

Emily winced. "The Russian mob came out of the Soviet prison system. In that system a petukh, a…" She looked sideways at the nun. "…rooster is the lowest in the hierarchy, a young, submissive male. They're considered untouchable. They use tattoos as a way of keeping track of their crimes, a little like wearing your resume on your skin. A petukh would be marked as such. Does Reid have any ink?"

"He did. He had Stas' mark removed before he went to CalTech." Kate informed them. "We saw to that."

"Jinkies," Garcia shuddered.

The nurse appeared again, "Agents Morgan and Reid? Two at a time, please."

"Okay, I have got to go make sure my darling is all right." Garcia said, getting up.

"I'll go with you." Hotch said, joining her.

Rossi stood as well, and offered his arm to Kate. "I'm sure he would like to see you."

"Thank you Agent Rossi." Kate replied, slowly getting to her feet. "You'll be all right here, Jim?"

Brass looked from JJ to Emily and smiled. "Oh, I'm sure we'll find something to talk about."

* * *

Spencer slowly opened his eyes. The world was blurry and spinning slowly and his side hurt somewhere over there somewhere, all signs of non-narcotic pain meds and lots of them. He blinked into the light and tried to remember. He knew Stas would stop his goons from patting him down out of jealousy, that was why he'd put Hotch's back-up gun, the one he had used to kill Phillip Down, on his ankle. He remembered the feeling of it in his hand and…no, there was nothing past that. And it probably didn't matter anymore anyway.

A moment later a familiar, bearded face came into view, "Rossi?"

"Just relax." Rossi replied. "Everything is all right."

Was it? "Morgan?" He managed to croak out.

"In the room next door; he's going to be fine."

"Stas?"

"Dead, you nailed him right in the heart." Rossi looked at the doorway. "There's someone here to see you."

Spencer heard a familiar, halting step and then a familiar, black and white figure came into view. He smelled lavender and the desert and then an achingly familiar hand was gently pushing the hair off his forehead. He smiled up at her, "Hey Kanga."

"Hey Roo," Kate smiled back.

Everything was going to be just fine indeed.

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

**Washington Medical Center  
Washington DC**

"So, explain something to me." Emily said as she settled in the chair beside the bed. "Back when we were dealing with the Chernus family you said you couldn't speak Russian."

It was a day or so later. Spencer had been moved to a regular room. They had said he would be in the hospital most of the rest of the week. Unfortunately Kate and Jim couldn't stay that long, the department, and especially the Ranch, needed them back. But they were staying for a day or two, mostly he suspected, until she was certain he was being well cared for. That was something she'd want to see with her own eyes. "Actually I said I had trouble reading it. I had been studying it before I met Stas, but once that started happening I stopped studying. I really didn't want to know. But I couldn't help picking up the spoken language due to exposure. After that case with the Chernus family I started studying again, it had been long enough that it no longer felt like an emotional issue. That case was fascinating, though, Stas had mentioned the thieves' code but I had never seen it written out before. And I had never known all the meanings behind the tattoos."

"Even though you had one?"

"He never explained the meaning. For the humiliation value any permanent mark would do, there was always the danger of Mom or someone in the locker room at school seeing it, and where it was located any future partner would  _have_  to see it. The actual design was for the benefit of others; all I knew was that it meant that no one from that group of people would touch me because he had marked me with his ownership. It wasn't until the Chernus case that I realized what the mark meant."

"God, I bet you're glad to have it gone."

"When I got to Kate's, that's one of the first things I asked for help with. She has a plastic surgeon she works with just for that purpose. It hurt like hell at the time but now all that's left is some scarring." Okay, the non-narcotic pain meds were making him just a little goofy. "I had considered getting the FBI shield done over the top, just to piss him off if he ever looked again, or maybe the BAU shield, I don't know." Yeah, no, but he was goofy enough to find the concept remarkably amusing.

Emily grinned. "If you do can I look?"

"Not where it would be located, no."

She grinned at him, and then sobered. "Do you know if that plastic surgeon can remove scars?"

"Yeah, he did off some of the other boys. I remember Ethan had one off. Why?"

She rubbed that spot over her breast absently as it seemed to itch. Of all the people who might understand she never thought Reid… "Ian…." Ah, she couldn't finish.

She didn't have to. "When you're ready we'll head out there. Dr. Tucker is awesome. And I bet Kate will let us camp out in the staff rooms for a few days."

"Even with all her security?"

"We're safe. All she asks of adults there is that they be willing to listen and try to understand."

"Well, we're good at that."

* * *

Sometime later Spencer had another visitor. "Hey kid." Morgan said as he came in. "How are you feeling?"

Spencer had been lying there idly listening to soap operas. "Dizzy. I can't read. I think it hurts over there somewhere." He smiled up at his friend. "It's the meds, I'll be fine. How are you?"

Even in his rather blurry state he could tell that Morgan was battered and bruised and bandaged in multiple places. "I'll be all right." He said though, "Nothing that won't heal."

Spencer blinked and tried to figure out how to approach this. "Morgan, I know Stas."

"Reid, I'm all right."

"I know what he does to his victims."

"Reid…"

"Morgan….I know…"

"Reid, stop." Morgan sighed, and went and closed the door. "Do you remember Carl Buford?"

* * *

"It's funny." Spencer said much, much later that evening.

"What's funny?" Said the figure in the chair beside him, her knitting needles gently clicking as they spoke.

"That three of us have had someone….hurt us in the past. Morgan and Emily and me. Maybe four, I wonder about Hotch sometimes. It's a statistical anomaly."

"I think you might be missing a few variables." Kate replied.

"How so?"

"You all know evil, intimately. You've looked it in the eye, breathed in its scent, felt it on your skin. How better to know exactly how it thinks, what it desires? And you are all strong, brave survivors who are truly good and so want to help others survive as you did. Add in intelligence and determination and it makes sense that you would all end up there, and that you would all understand each other so well."

Spencer smiled through the haze of meds. "I never thought they would understand."

"Well you have the rest of your life to enjoy that realization. Now go back to sleep."

He decided that was an excellent idea.

* * *

**Dulles International Airport  
Washington DC**

"Well, thank you for the ride, Derek. Now you will look after him, won't you?"

Morgan grinned. Sister Kate, which was the only thing he could call her, reminded him so much of his mother. He had always wondered how Reid had turned out so well despite everything that had happened. He knew there had to be a Grandmother or an Aunt or a neighbor or a something in there somewhere, just one adult who gave him some kind of support. Now he knew and it felt mighty good to know that she had been there for him. It made the universe a little saner somehow. "Yes, Ma'am, I'll do my best to make sure he doesn't get shot a third time." He offered her his elbow to lean on while Captain Brass looked after their bags.

She laughed at him, delightedly. "That would be helpful, thank you. And the next time you are out in Vegas I expect you to visit and let me cook for you."

"Even with all your security?"

She nodded. "My intent is selfish. Good, trustworthy male role models are hard to find. Now here," she handed him a business card. "If you ever need to talk I want you to call."

"Ahh, thank you Ma'am, but I…" Looking at her suddenly realized that somehow she knew. And she would listen. "Thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome dear. I'm always there for my boys when they need me. I gave one to Emily as well."

"I thought you only worked with guys?"

"In this case I'll make an exception."

"You know, there's one thing, Kanga and Roo?"

"Well he has a Mother, one he loves dearly. And unlike most of the parents I deal with she deserves the title. And he wanted to call me something…."

* * *

**Spencer Reid's apartment  
Washington DC**

"What did you do after Doyle died?"

Emily was visiting a day or so later. He had talked her into playing a few hands of gin. He really wasn't up to poker. She sighed and looked up from her cards. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure. It just…It feels like something should happen. I mean, now that Stas is gone; like everything is starting over somehow."

"Well, Doyle wasn't exactly like Stas…" Spencer looked at her. "I was an adult…" He kept looking. Eventually she just sagged. "God, you know, not even Clive realized anything. Okay, truth?"

He smiled, just a little. "What happens in Vegas…"

"Very funny. Okay, so I, um, looked up an old friend, someone I could talk to and we, um, spent the week-end together."

"You hung out with a friend?" Blame the meds; it took him a bit to catch up.

"More like friends with benefits. Look, call me a romantic but I still believe that the right guy is out there. I just wouldn't want to go to him with all the baggage from Doyle and everything else still attached. Gary was someone I could talk to, someone who could help me…hit the reset button. Start all over again. Show me how good it could be. Everyone should have that." She looked up at him. "Does that help at all?"

"Maybe, I don't know; I always figured I'd wait for romance."

"Ah, well, not to worry Dr, Reid, you'll find the right guy someday."

Wait… "Guy?"

"Well, yeah, I mean isn't that why…"

Spencer smiled patiently. "No, actually just the opposite; I knew it was probably going to be a bad experience and I didn't want to confound it with a potential good experience in the future."

"Oh. Well, in that case I would hold out a little longer for romance, because it's going to be completely different. Gin."

* * *

"I don't know, Kanga, what do you think I should do?"

Spencer was on the phone again, curled back under his quilt, and once again calling the one person who always made sense. "I think you should follow your heart, Roo." Kate said. "I think you should be yourself just as fiercely and wholly as you can. Stas is gone and your friends know the truth, there's no reason not to anymore. So if you want to hold out for romance then that's what you do. Or if not then find a good friend and enjoy. But from this moment on, hide nothing and be exactly who you are."

There was kind of a lot to consider there. But he already knew it was good advice. "Thank you Kanga."

"You're welcome Roo."

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Epilogue**

**BAU Headquarters  
Quantico, VA**

As they assembled, one man short still but he was on the mend, Garcia put a large tin of brownies down in the middle of the table. "What's the occasion?" Rossi asked.

"I don't know." Garcia replied. "I didn't make them. They're from Las Vegas."

"Why?"

"I have no idea."

Emily and Morgan just smiled and helped themselves.

* * *

**George Washington University  
Washington DC**

Spencer had a week to go before he went back to work. In theory he could go back now if he wanted to sit at his desk and do paperwork for a week, but he decided to indulge himself this once. If only because there was something he wanted to do.

He knew that he kept his bag full of sweets for the longest time out of deep, ground in memory of the week-ends with Stas, of having to snatch what pure energy he could in-between ordeals, quick hits of glucose to keep his brain functioning. And part of it came from his Mother, that if he had cooked real meals he was somehow making it impossible for her to ever resume caring for him, but if he just grabbed quick sweets and TV dinners and cans of soup somehow it wasn't real and at any moment she could get up and take over again. It was a child's magical thinking and he knew it now.

And there was more to it. Cooking for yourself, going through the time and trouble to buy food and organize and cook healthy meals showed a certain respect for your body. It showed a willingness to actually inhabit your flesh, not just your mind, which had never been hurt. It showed that you believed your physical self was due and deserved care and perhaps even loving attention. There was even something sensual about it, the tastes, the smells, the textures. It was another way of, as Emily had said, hitting the reset button, of feeling good in your skin.

And then there was what Kate had said about being true to yourself. Maybe he just wanted to try something he had always been too shy or too embarrassed to admit to wanting to be able to do.

Or maybe he was overanalyzing it all. Maybe a seminar on the history of cooking in the US just sounded like fun. What was wrong with actually paying attention to what you eat?

But somehow, given all that, he probably shouldn't have been surprised at the end of the class. It could have had something to do with all of that, or maybe it was just that the Professor had hair that was the color of pale wheat or that her eyes were green and merry or maybe because she looked to have a build like a certain actress under her simple, professional dress Or maybe, as Kate would eventually say, it was Divine intervention.

But at the end of class he approached her, as he always considered polite. "Great class. I wanted to say thank you for letting me sit in."

"Oh, thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it…"

"Dr. Reid. Um, Spencer."

"Karen."

For a moment it almost felt like a warm LA night and pool water and roses and she smiled and something sparked in the space between them. No reason not to anymore, none at all. He took a deep breath. "Um, I was going to go for a cup of coffee. Would you like to..?"

"Sure."

And the future began.


End file.
